Not Much To Dump in meh...

Well, the little girl came over on Monday and helped “find” my son’s hand held game. It was found allegedly behind the shredder. That little girl is a liar.

Well, Halloween. I didn’t get to eat a big bag of Reese’s peanut butter cups. I had been off since Thursday. ThursDAY was spent with my mom all day. Friday, I kind of forgot what I did on Friday. I was busy though. LOL OH! I went to vist my sister in the hospital and stayed until the afternoon. Then I went to pick some things up at my sister in law’s place and took it out to mom’s. Hung out with her a little bit then went home. The son and his lady friend hung out in the living room and I left them alone for about an hour or so. I was tired. Saturday, I took the boy to the library, went back out to mom’s and made her bed and hung out for a while helping her out. Then I went to pick up the boy and we went home. While I didn’t have any snacks, I did have my movies and I got through two of them while I was awake. The others I slept through. Same thing on Sunday. I didn’t go to church though I was considering it. This monthly thing for those of us who are fixed is un-freaking-fair. Not having anymore babies. I need this to stop. So yeah, I felt yucky.

I had to dodge my baby brother. I love him, but I can’t let him live with me. It would be like letting the male version of my daughter in. I cannot do that. If I had a bigger place, possibly.

Daughter asked if I would find and secure an apartment for her. Her boyfriend would pay for it. Hell. To. The. Naw. What if she decides that she wants to break this lease. That’s on me. What if she does something fucked up and messes up the apartment. That’s on me. Hell I’m barely stable in where I am. I don’t know where she thinks this endless stream of money is coming from. I don’t have the money to do this, nor the credit. Hell Naw.

It felt great to be with mom and help her out the way I had been. My brother has been in her ear again. She said that he stated I should be the one taking care of her things instead of his ex-wife/my sister in law. I told her that his reasons for saying this are purely selfish. He wants her totally out of his life. But what he fails to realize is that she is the mother of his son. How will he see her, will he ever see her when he comes to visits for the summers and breaks? Not trying to shirk my “duty” here, I’m just saying. I don’t mind. I would. I can’t wash her clothes because I don’t have a dryer. Hell my washing machine only uses one temperature at a time and I have to switch the hoses for that. My van, while it is a God-send, is not at it’s level best now. I’ve not been dogging it, but I knew when I got it that it had maybe one or two good years left on it, not to mention trying to keep gas in it. I’m still not stable enough to add that responsibility. I can barely launder my own clothes on a regular basis. Plus trying to start a business and be on a routine, worried about my son and his future and making plans and steps toward that, always trying to find money to make my own ends meet and pray to GOD that nothing pops up in th meantime. Not to mention school. Next semester, I will have to take classes on the main campus.

All of this just puts me back to where my life was nothing more than taking care of my mom and my kids while my brother went and did whatever he wanted with his life. He moved to another damn state and has resumed his bullying from a distance. It’s always damn me, damn my life, damn what I have going on. If I had proper resources I wouldn’t stress.

time, time, time, time, time, time…
I am ever aware, hyper aware of time always…

What else? I just got stressed out.

Kindest regards,
Sister

I’m out of here.