I wonder if she knew in A day in the life...

I had a therapy session yesterday. I have them twice a week, every Tuesday and Thursday. On Tuesdays we start the session using the EMDR therapy and from there I start talking about my brother’s death. Then we do more EMDR, then I talk more, then another EMDR, then more talk from me. I usually get in three or four rounds. Thursdays are spent just talking.

I was kinda proud of myself yesterday. I didn’t get through the session without crying, which Mr. N assured me is okay and it will take some time before I get to that point, but I didn’t feel suicidal when I left either. But after one of the EMDR rounds I started talking about the wife of the neighbor who sexually abused me. I remembered her walking down to our house the night my brother was hit by the car, just real nonchalantly. I don’t remember her saying anything to anyone, just coming down and getting the Big Wheel that belonged to her daughter and turning around and going back home. Then I started wondering, did she know what her husband was doing? I know for a fact that I wasn’t the only one. Hell, the street I lived on was a pedophile’s dream - three houses in a row, six little girls; Terri and Holly, Amy and Stacey, and Elise and Jennifer. So I have to wonder…did she know, or even have an inkling about what was going on?

I’ve heard and read about so many times where the wife of the predator knew what was going on but she would either ignore it or convince herself that it wasn’t happening. Why they do these things I can only imagine. Maybe they don’t want to admit they married a monster. Maybe they don’t want their happy family blown apart. Maybe they’re afraid they won’t be able to make it on their own. Hell, maybe they just don’t give a shit. Who knows?

So can you believe Thanksgiving is almost here? I know, me neither! But I will unashamedly admit that this IS my favorite time of the year. It’s not about the shopping and spending and giving and receiving of gifts for me. No, for me it’s all about seeing and spending time with my family and friends. Living in Michigan with our closest family and friends in the Chicago area, we don’t see them a lot. So just to spend time with everyone, talking and laughing and eating (too much)....that’s what it’s all about for me. I CAN’T WAIT!!!! It’ll just be Tony and I on Thanksgiving but that’s okay. We’re going to go to this really awesome lodge for their Thanksgiving buffet. We’ve done this several times and we always enjoy it. The food is amazing! Then we come home and snuggle and watch Christmas shows on TV. I think we’ll put up the tree the Sunday after Thanksgiving, after the boys are gone. We’re also almost done Christmas shopping…WOO HOO! Most of it was done online…lol.

Speaking of the boys…oh Lord. I had them this past weekend, as always, and they were both sick with a stomach bug that they picked up from their mom (thank you, Carly). Honest to God, I have never changed so many poopy diapers in my life! I had a brand new completely full thing of wipes and it was almost completely empty when Carly came and got them on Sunday. Then Tony puked on Sunday night....great. Luckily only once. I didn’t puke but I did run a fever and just felt like total hell up until today. So happy to say I’m actually feeling more like my nutty self :-)

I’m meeting with my mentor tonight and I’m excited about it. She’s from my church and I’m looking forward to spending time with her and learning from her. I’m striving to be closer to God but for some reason I just feel stuck. I think Michelle is going to be an amazing mentor and really help me.

Okay, gotta watch Celebrity Name Game and then take a shower....mainly because I can’t think of much else to say right now that wouldn’t bore you to tears.

Happy Wednesday, everyone!!

Much love,
Amy