October 28th-November 4th in 2015

Yesterday went off pretty well. In the course of the school day, I escaped from my desk repeatedly to take walks in various abandoned corridors. I hit 10K steps on my way home. Then, I drove to Plasse, picked up Sushi and . . . something or other. Mikan certainly. That was probably it. I also dropped by 7-11 for my Caesar salad. I really like their salads. When I told my friend the clerk that I had to lose weight, she pointed out a few fat employees and told me not to worry. Oh Japan.
Drove home (hated to drive that distance, but there was no time), changed my clothes, and ate. I had about five or ten minutes, then it was time to walk to Eikaiwa. I got there a bit early, so I did laps around the building. I just barely beat 10 kilometers when it was time to start. Class went well, and I had fun. I told Tomoko(?) about the pumpkin beer I’d found at Plasse, and she bought some after class. She appears to have enjoyed it. That made me happy. Immediately after Eikaiwa, I went on my walk. I’m back to jogging the two bridge sections. I need to find better music, though. I need more music in general, but the music I actually like that’s decent for workouts I’ve, sadly, done to death. I’m just really tired of working out to Queen, Styx, or Journey. At least The Decemberists have the occasional fast paced song. Still, I managed. I also cut the time down to under 45 minutes, which I aim to keep it at. For 5K, that’s pretty reasonable, I figure, for somebody taking it easy. I also think, the more I reflect, that I’m better off to gradually add some distance to the figure. I was walking six miles a day, regularly, in Michigan when I got back from China. That’s 10K. Maybe I’ll up myself to 7K after two weeks. Once I’m up to a 10K walk, with a few jogging sections, I’ll start doing morning work in pilates training. The thing is, until I lose some weight, most bodyweight based exercises just won’t work for me. I’m too heavy for my weak muscles, and my gut gets in the way of most things. Getting up to 10K, if I increase by 2, 2, 1, then when it’s time to add another exercise 8 weeks from now, I should be around 15 lbs. lighter. I’m I’m lucky and careful, maybe even 20. That’d be heavenly. However, I may add pilates before then. At least, some very basic stuff. We’ll see. Let’s not get carried away. I’m only four days into this new regimin. I’m also sad to see that apparently one day I thought I was under calorie count on Myfitnesspal, I was, in fact, over. Apparently Myfitnesspal and FitBit have differing ideas as to how much I should be eating in a day.
Regarding food, the biggest issue still remains the school lunch. 833 calories for today. Provided I eat it, which I will, I’ll have 284 calories left for today. That’s after I’ve done 50 calories of random walking. Yeah. This is a pretty rough situation. I think I may switch to eggs when I’m done with this cereal? I can save 150 calories or so. The problem is, I prefer cereal. Still, it’s fewer carbs and it’s got fewer calories. What can you do, eh?
The restaurant 109 (possibly 901) is definitely closed. I’ve known it for some time, but yesterday, I completely confirmed it. The decals that said the name are gone, and the building is dark. It was the best gyoza I’ve ever had. The owner was a sweet old lady, and when I went in, I chatted with her for ages. I avoided the place in the leadup to its closing, unaware that it would close of course, largely because I didn’t feel like making conversation at the time. Now, I regret it. They were nice ladies. I’ll never know what happened to them. Two worked there, an owner and the other. Maybe they were both owners? They were both old and friendly. The place seemed like it’d been there forever, and seemed like it’d last even longer. Hard to see it gone. In a way, I knew it was dying, the town is dying, but somehow, I thought it’d hang on. I’ll regret not having gone more. More for the ladies than the gyoza. It also makes me think of how I neglected Jack in the three years before he died, and how I neglected Kathy quite a bit after. Sometimes, you don’t want so much love and kindness from elderly people who adore you. Why not? I don’t understand. Silently and unhappily playing games that I don’t enjoy is somehow better than being loved by truly decent human beings? It makes no sense to me, and it’s somewhat upsetting to think about or to acknowledge.
I’ve gotten approval from Inori Sensei to walk around during my down time. This is amazing as it enables me to exercise a lot more.
It’s not the 4th of November, and I seem to be behind on the news. Nothing of interest to report for Thursday. Classes with Matsumoto, always fun. Friday the only event of real merit was getting my sleeping prescription doubled. Man that feels good. The weekend, as has become customary, was a complete and total waste of suck. I did nothing, I was nothing, I managed to actively undo work I’d done on losing weight and cleaning. It was awful. However, I have a plan to counter this in the future. More on that after the status update.
And Monday, I had class at an Elementary school whose name escapes me. Sashi. There we go. I freaking love most of those kids. I had so much fun, we sang songs, we played games, we just had a grand old time. At recess, we did sumo wrestling, a bit, a new game I invented that I call Centipede Sumo which is kind of like Red Rover. The kids lock arms and have to knock me over or push me out of the circle without unlocking arms. However, mostly we played tag, and I was always the monster. When I wasn’t, I was always the one being chased. To try to make it, I’d jump over barriers, or launch myself from them, that the kids would have to amble over. Well, injured my foot, but my healthy one, so I’m not so worried. Man. Just . . . good time. Then Eikaiwa. It was great. So many fun students there. I think it was our bussiest day. Ever. We never go overtime, and we totally did, and I barely had to talk (though, of course, I did). Also, I may be starting guitar lessons soon, which relates to my ambition to get more stuff done on the weekends, but we’ll get on that later.
I was feeling a bit down by the end of the night. I really am starting to get a bit lonely. For the record, November 16th marks the longest I’ve ever been in Japan. Anyway, I just feel a bit down. Well, I went on a walk, and I shouldn’t have because my leg hurt, but I did anyway. I also didn’t feel like dinner. As I walked, I made my way around to my favorite bar, then walked further, then went back and stood outside the door debating what to do when I bumped into a coworker. We had a chat, and he had to go home, but it decided things for me. I went.
It was amazing.
I should also mention that Tuesday was a holiday.
I went, and my favorite bartenders were both there. And! My friend the Monk showed up! Nagata! That’s his name. Anyway, he may start Zen training me, which would be interesting. He also may introduce me to people who do kyudo. That would be amazing. We had a really good talk at the bar, and I sang a lot, and I kept getting requests, which makes me happy. I hate to dominate karaoke, but all I want to do is to sing, so, when other people ask me to sing to/for them, I feel amazing as I’m not selfish, but I get to do what I want.
Well, I stumbled home. It wasn’t last call for booze, but it was last call for karaoke, and that’s more of what interested me. Well, I still had calories left over, I hadn’t had dinner, so, I went to 7-11 and got Pocari Sweat and a bag of chips. Consumed both. Then, went to bed.
Woke up 11ish after some weird dreams. I remember there were two, possibly three. I can remember two, and I know I forgot one, but I can’t remember if the two I remember were connected or somehow separate.
In one, somehow I caught Hilary Clinton in some weird political scandal, and apparently I’d done it before, but I had no proof. We had a big confrontation, and Bill stood there looking hurt and confused. Finally, I gave him an animesque speech about how a person who moves the hearts of so many people must have one of his own, and he has to stand up against her evil. He just looked hurt and confused and uncertain and I felt bad for him.
In the other, I married Arielle, from old Starlight. I found her on facebook, actually, she uses a different last name now (neither her maiden one nor her ex husband’s, I also tried to add her on skype, but she refused).
I don’t know why we were married. I refused to have sex with her for fear of not being able to get an annulment if I wanted one. We were back and forth in Japan and Hong Kong, though it may not have been Hong Kong. Also we were on a cool water slide at some point, and I remember thinking that having a water slide as a form of transit was a bad idea because our paperwork would get wet, but, it all worked out okay. What’s odd was how well we worked together.
Nowadays, I’m wondering if maybe I could have been happy with her, or with a girl like that. Pretty, dumb, and loyal. A bad person, to be sure, but malleable and very obedient when I tell her what to do. I’ve been wondering, do I really want a smart girl?
I was talking to Sam about this yesterday in the car (I meant to have digressions after the relation of facts, but, I may need to teach soon. Don’t know.), and I said something I’ve never said before. Maybe Sailor Moon wouldn’t be so bad to date.
When I first got into the series, I really liked it. I was in 4th grade, though. In high school, with cable, I got really into it, and I always liked it in spite of her. I liked the other characters. She was too dumb. Too sweet. Too sentimental. Too loyal. In my fanfic (first great work in the failure library that contains my attempts at fiction) I even worked hard, as a 9th grader, to deconstruct Sailor Moon the series to remove those elements, with plans to have my Marty Stu hero violently dislike her. Because I did. I liked Jupiter. I still think, the more I think about it, maybe she’d be my type. If not her, I also liked Mercury. But Moon . . . I hated.
Now, as I think on it, maybe she’d be great? Pretty, dumb, loyal. That’s a pretty good mix. She’ll never leave. She’ll never try to do better. She’ll never question or bemoan her lot. I think a lot of my unhappiness is caused by my intelligence. I used to try to justify this by saying that somehow or other, my intelligence has lead me closer to /truth/. Well, I am no closer now than I was a long time ago. I think if I were a lot dumber, I may be a lot closer. I just don’t know. I mean, somebody who’s always happy to see you? Somebody who always cares? Somebody who is just out to make the two of you and your little world happy. I spend hours each week reading about the state of the world. I try to be an informed person. I try to know things and to have the right thoughts and the right opinions, but, in the end, I’m just as powerless to do anything as a person who does nothing, and who, instead, focuses on being happy. Would that be so bad?
I think Courtney knows that I’m not a huge fan of her hermititude. And part of it is because I’ve always thought that she and I needed to be out changing the world. But, I mean, maybe she’s on to something? I’m doing all of these things, and I’m less well-developed of a person than she is. In so many ways. Maybe there is benefit to just settling down and being happy. I mean, is that so bad? Is that so wrong? Is it really possible to do anything? Or is this just a guy, pushing thirty, lonely, and feeling unloved and uncared for, dreaming about having a pet girl? Domesticity is maybe just what happens when you quit fighting. I’m tired. Would that life be so bad? I feel like I’m fighting anaesthetic. It’s like that feeling I’d get on those bad sleeping pills where part of me is trying to relax into sleep, but the rest of my body, horrified at this outside influence, starts freaking out and spasming to try to stop this force from carrying me off into a peaceful night. What’s right? What’s to be done? Would it all be so bad?
Anyway, Monday I woke up at around 11 after a LOT of drinking and sleeping, and I felt amazing. I felt amazing because the night before, I’d had friends, I’d socialized, I’d flirted. I just felt human again. Extrovert confirmed. Everything just felt better after having had that experience, something that’s been so utterly lacking. I don’t go to the bars for the booze. I like the booze, but that’s not why I go. I go for the people. That’s the part I really like. The booze just helps you open yourself up to those around you, and it’s that connection, and that love, and that feeling of belonging that I’m after. Well, Sam and I had made plans to go to Satsumasendai, and, so, we went. Ate lunch at an Indian place, checked out a bunch of stores for some electronic stuff he’s interested in. He is buying the new remastered Evangelion Blue Ray box set. He was looking for a player, and I told him that I was pretty sure his laptop was one. Apparently he spent US$600 on an Eva phone. He’s never watched the series. Figures this is a good time to start. Well, this, to me, is a bit nuts as the new version has no English subtitles, and, while his Japanese is certainly better than mine, there’s, “Good at Japanese,” and, “Can make sense out of Eva good at Japanese”. I don’t know how many Japanese people fit into the second category. Anyway, I found a decent electric piano (weighted keys and everything) for US$400 or so, and I may buy it. More on that later. Then, we went to a good bakery, split some garlic bread, and realized that we should eat dinner before going back to Satsuma, so we went to the Indian place again (it’s really good), stuffed ourselves and went home. I . . . did nothing after that. Played some Rome Total War until way too late, skyped with Tris for a bit, and slept. Far too late. Oh well.
Now, it’s Wednesday. There was a schedule mix up, and no teacher requested me, so I’ll be doing some teaching with Inori Sensei and possibly with Ebihara. Matsumoto appears to be absent today. Then, Eikaiwa. We’ll see how that all goes. The plan is to clean up some of the worst messes in my apartment between arriving home and going to Eikaiwa (no time for a walk), then walk afterwards.
Realizing more and more I’ve got to use my time better. A lot of that is using my weekends. My weekends are generally useless wastes of suck. I think this happens because I, very quickly, get into the useless waste of suck groove. I need a reason to get up in the mornings and to accomplish something. I’m pretty sure that if I get up, and do something first thing in the morning, the rest of the weekend day will go a million times better. Hence these guitar lessons. Possibly, hence, the piano.
I want to start taking music lessons, or dancing lessons, or alligator wrestling lessons, fuck, I don’t care, SOMETHING first thing Saturday and Sunday mornings so that I HAVE to get up, and I HAVE to do something. I’m wasting time. I’m wasting so much time, and I’ve got to fix it. I’ve got to get my Japanese studying done at school rather than just BSing like I do. Well, part of that requires me to do stuff at home. Well, if I give up a few hours on the weekends to study, I’ll have a lot more time to accomplish the rest. It may be a bit of an overload to start taking two instruments up at the same time, but, maybe, if I’m not overloading, I don’t do/be anything. I want a girlfriend. I want a social scene, but I’m too ashamed of how I look, and how unaccomplished I am, to really have the confidence to go out and do much. Well, this may be my ticket.
Seneca tells us that there isn’t a problem of there being too few hours in a day. The problem is that we don’t use them. Maybe he’s right. Well, let’s see how this all works out.
P.S. I did nothing on/for Halloween. There was a party in Kagoshima that I could have gone to, but I had no confidence, no place to stay the night, and, most critical of all, no confidence to show up looking as I do. We’ll fix that. Next year: Tuxedo Mask!