so. sleep. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

i think that. whenever i’m not feeling well i go to sleep later. like on........um.......fukin wed. i got like 1 - 3 hrs. of sleep. cause i had to be up at 8 cause the bus came between 9 - 9:30 and it takes an hr. to an hr. and a half to get to my mom’s. it ended up coming at 10 and i was at my mom’s by 10:30. my dentist appt. was at 11:30.
yeah i was so damn knackered on wed.

so then. on thurs. i went to sleep at 5 and got up at 11 when my mom woke me up. ok so that’s 6 hrs. of sleep. actually. well that’s not bad. on fri. oh i guess that was yesterday i went to sleep at um. like 2 a.m. and got 12 hrs. of sleep. i’ve been waking up later lately. like a wk. ago i’d wake up at 1:40. p.m. so i guess it was only wed. that i barely slept. well nvrm then.

and it’s now 4:10 and i’m still awake. a.m. i mean. also the dream i woke up from yesterday scared me [it was about fire] and so i don’t want to go back to sleep. also except for my computer light i now sleep in pitch black which freaks me out. i don’t want a nightlight but i want a touch lamp which. i’ll talk to the lady about that at some point. so that’s the other reason i try to stay up untill the sun gets up.

i love sleep. wait maybe that’s not good. like it’s the thing i look forward to the most during the day. no and not that there aren’t other exciting things to do cause there are. it’s like a mini vacation for me. i just wish it didn’t go so fast. i guess some kids are the opposite where they don’t want to go to sleep cause of how much they’ve enjoyed the day. well usually no matter how much i enjoyed the day i enjoy sleep more. which is weird since when i am asleep i’m not aware of that. er obviously. it’s funny; so. ........ the thing i look forward to the most is. not, doing something. you’d think i’d go to sleep earlier given how much i love it. and yet when i try to sleep i’m always thinking of how much i can’t which of course doesn’t help [well no] and that’s probably why i can’t is bc i’m thinking of that. and also um. bc i’m actively trying to. i don’t believe in pills btw, so. if i had like. what for me would be a good enough reason to take them. like if i had work or went to school or something then maybe i would feel differently about them but i don’t, so. however i’m ok w/ meds in liquid form. but that’s only part of it.