So it's like this in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

Okay. This is interesting. Perhaps one of my more astute readers was correct in suggesting that now that I am working more full-time type hours, my desire (though it was admittedly unconscious) to put up with my wife’s shit is gone.

So, ultimately- it was my wife’s choice not to take the job in Wal Mart. She was the one who texted me that “Ames is a no” and I honor that decision. If she doesn’t think we can deal with it and/or she doesn’t want to live in my brother’s basement while we close things up here… I can respect that. Being an understanding and supportive husband is kind of par for the course.

She comes home pissed. Nothing new, of course. Apparently, her store got a new transfer from Louisiana who has “Southern Speed”… meaning… the transfer is full of a belief that “things will get done when they get done.” My wife is Uber German… she believes that “things will get done when you finish doing them.” So… she’s already stressed. Doesn’t even say hi as she walks in and bee-lines for the bathroom. I hear a loud, aggravated swear echoing from the bathroom walls. Apparently… a tampon and a Pad were not enough to keep her flow in check and she bled on her underwear. The incident increased how upset she was.

Now that paints a picture. I’m winding down for the day because I worked from 10am until 6 pm and I have court tomorrow at 9. She comes home at 11, furious and energetic as fuck about it.

I begin to ask her about work and why she’s so extra upset and ask her to tell me how the conversation with Ames went. Hand to God, she just looks at me and says, “Why don’t we just move now?” The fuck? I tell her that she was the one that said no to Ames. She elaborates by saying… not Ames… just… in general. Like… why aren’t we just moving back to Des Moines right now?

Typically, I don’t yell. As an actor, we learn project, never yell.... as a lawyer, we learn yelling means you’ve already lost. So I never yell when I’m trying to make a point. No no no. This time? This argument? I God damned yelled. But it built up. I tried to understand first. I specifically asked her what she meant… because… certainly she wasn’t suggesting that she now wanted to do what I’d been discussing for the last three months!

She wanted to know why we hadn’t planned on just moving to Des Moines when our lease here ended.

THAT’S when I started to yell. Trying to impress upon her that I had brought up that EXACT idea consistently for the last three months. Continually suggesting that we just go back to Des Moines and she work there while I continue to look for a job… and every fucking TIME she would say how she didn’t want to do that because we needed the income I was bringing in from Pretrial.

She responded that this whole thing with Ames must have just changed her mind so why aren’t we just moving? I tried really hard not to bite her fucking head off. I explained that, for many reasons, I had been discussing this with her for months and she had constantly said no. She didn’t understand why this whole thing was confusing. How… after MONTHS of her husband trying to have a genuine planning conversation about their future with her saying no the whole time… I wasn’t able to simply accept that now she just wants things a certain way. Like a fucking child in some ways, seriously!! I tried REALLY hard to temper my yelling but, I’ll be honest… I didn’t hold back. I tried to speak diplomatically and honestly, yelling a bit more than I usually want to… but yeah.

Horrifyingly… it got worse from there. SO, we’re discussing things and I mention how this was a great learning experience for us and should inspire us to take steps now for if we do have to make a quick move in the future. Wife was confused and upset by that thought. I suggested that I’m still going to apply for work and we might get a job offer at any time… so if a Firm offers me a job in early December, we’d have to move. She became irate about that idea because “how dare we move during Christmas when it is cold and she will be catalog shopping?!”

I pulled zero punches. I stared at her in gape mouthed awe and horror and said word-for-word the following: “Are you kidding? Bitch, if we get a $68k job, we’re taking it. Are you really suggesting that any other option makes sense?”

Seriously. That was 11 pm to Midnight for me. She went to her computer and started listening to David Guetta music and is now all happy, smiley, and okay. Uhm… did I really do what I think I did? Did I actually marry a certifiably psychotic bitch? Cuz… I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of this.

For 3 months I suggest that, when our lease comes due, we just move back to Iowa. For 3 months she has said that, when our lease comes due, we should re-up for 6 months because she doesn’t want to do without my added income. Yet… now, out of nowhere… she irately wonders why we aren’t just moving. Like it was my choice.
For 518 days, I have been trying to get a job. I have been applying, studying for the bar, busting my ass trying to get a real adult job. If that job materializes… I don’t care if it interrupts Holiday Plans. Maybe that does make me a dick. But seriously. Priorities.

The argument tonight just… made me realize that we really are still on the edge of divorce. Because… apparently 3 months worth of conversation with her husband? No dent, no impact, doesn’t get through to her. She decides on something independently? Then it becomes “why aren’t we doing things this way?” Because… apparently my soul-crushing mind-absorbing quest to get a job? Somehow not quite as important as making sure her catalog orders don’t have to be forwarded to a new address.

Honestly… it is exhausting. Like… I’m doing what I do best… allowing her excuses. I mean… she had a stressful day at work; obviously her rag is heavier than usual; on and on. But… I can’t keep ignoring. I mean… am I wrong for taking all of this as a giant glaring sign that she really doesn’t consider me, my feelings, or my situation when thinking about her life/our life and her situation/our situation?