September 26th through 28th in 2015

Well, I did the second half of the walk on Friday. I climbed the mountain in town. Well, it’s a tall and incredibly steep hill, really, but the spiral path up takes quite some time and it’s steep. It also gives you an amazing view of the town and the whole general area. Anyway, I ran into a gaggle of Eshin Elementary kids (I think five) with their teacher. We ended up talking and playing for around half an hour. It threw off my schedule, but I was fine with it. The kids were just so cute, and chasing them around the top of the hill, and telling them funny things . . . just very enjoyable. If I ever had kids, heaven forbid, I think I’d really rather raise them in Japan when they’re young.
For all the famed and fabled lolicon that makes up so much of how Japan is perceived in the west, when you’re over there, things are different. The children dress in the most adorable and innocent of outfits, and if the middle schoolers were dressed any frumpier, they’d all have burlap sacks over their heads. It’s adorable. I don’t like how sexualized kids are in the states. I can’t imagine seeing kids here in micro bikinis like I saw freaking elementary kids in back in Michigan. At the same time, things aren’t concealed as much either. In the states, it seems that we’ve sexualized children totally and utterly, but we can’t talk about anything that would help them to deal with their newfound position. We can’t desexualize children without admitting that we’ve done it in the first place, and we can’t teach kids how to deal with their new position without acknowledging that we put them there in the first place. So, kids are trapped in an uncomfortable, and, frankly, disturbing, dual role. They’re sweet innocent things that need to be protected, but they’re also presumed to have the right and ability to engage in behaviors that we expect them to do and not to do at the same time. I wish there were some Japanese honesty in this. I love how affection here can just be affection. I like watching girls hold hands or watching boys with their arms around each other. I think that, in a post Freud world, we’ve forgotten that sometimes a cigar can be just a cigar. Instead, everything needs to somehow be sex driven. Especially when it’s not. But maybe I’ve gone on too far in this tangent.
After the walk on Friday, I went home and dicked around a bit before going to bed. No bar. I was too exhausted. Not having slept well on Wednesday or Thursday really got to me. I slept long, and soundly (for me) on Friday night, and woke up a bit late on Saturday.
On Saturday, I went on part of a walk. I did the first half, and then the yoga. I also ate out (I think) and played some guitar. I also got a bit of cleaning done and assembled one of my shelving units. I figure that if I clean up all mess as I make it and do a few minutes of extra cleaning a day, I’ll get the place in good shape without killing myself in the process. I also had to kill another spider in my entryway. I hate these wolf spiders. They’re a nightmare. I attempted to go on a walk later that night, but my hip flexors really hurt. I mean, really hurt. And I seemed to have some issues with the tendon in my right knee. I don’t know whether it was the walking or the yoga, but I decided that discretion was the better part of valor. I’d not eaten much anyway. Well, I went to the bar. The usual one, not the new one. It was relatively dull. I was feeling tired and sad and didn’t really feel like going. I also ended up leaving at 11 because I was tired. Usually they throw me out at midnight when it’s closing time. I talked to Tris on the way home, which was nice. I’m talking to him the most of anybody back in the states. He tends to keep pretty good mirror hours with me, and he usually answers the ol’ telephone. So, it’s a pretty good fit, schedule wise. Which is nice. I was afraid of losing him.
Sunday was dull. I had a migraine because the weather here was just awful. I had to go to two sports festivals, one at Eshin, and one at Yamasaki. At Yamasaki, I was abducted by the kindergarteners and preschoolers and turned into their playmate. When I tried to leave, they encircled me and grabbed at my shirt and hands and pockets to keep me in place. It was adorable! I’m excited to teach at Yamasaki. Although, I don’t know if I’ll get those particular kids. Well, my legs hurt, I had a migraine, everything hurt, and it was mostly raining on and off. I didn’t get much done. In an attempt to feel better, I started playing some Civ III. I think that I can officially declare that game to be bad for me. When I play it, I don’t sleep. I also don’t seem to feel physically well. I think maybe videogames are just bad for me. At least, anything like that. I do tend to feel more nervous and jumpy, and . . . yeah. Thinking about it, my sleep issues began about the same time I started spending all of my time on the compy. Back when I was 13. However, I don’t think they’re necessarily causatively related. I mean, I’ve gone without computer before. Still, I think it would be interesting to go camping for a month and see what happens to my sleep.
After Civ III, I went to 7-11 and got way too much food. There was nowhere else open and it was raining. I saw unwed-mother-chan, and her friends saw me, but I don’t think she did. She hasn’t messaged me since I went to her bar. Just as well. Then I watched some South Park. The Freemium Isn’t Free episode made me want to play Cookie Clicker for some ungodly reason. All hail the Skinner Box!
Beyond that, not a lot to report. I had a horrible time sleeping and set my alarm for seven instead of five thirty. Probably a good call, but now I’ll have to do a long walk tonight. It’s fine, really, because I won’t be able to walk for the next few days. It’ predicted to rain and rain and rain. Worried for Courtney, wondering where Kat is in Japan. Oh, and Abby Leet got married. She isn’t Abby Leet anymore. It also means that the two most beautiful women I ever personally knew are married to men who aren’t me. I mean, naturally. Never had a chance, but still. It’s just bizarre.
Feeling old and as though I’ve accomplished nothing. Par for the course, of course.
I didn’t get much reading or music done this weekend. I played a bit of guitar on Saturday. I’ll get back into this, though. Somehow or other. Step by step, small progress. These days when my mind starts freaking out about things, or going back to bad things I can’t help, and often couldn’t have helped even had I been there at the time, I just shut it off. There’s no point in it. I’ve got to stay sane. Ish. Got to keep going. Towards what? I don’t know. I had another random guy explain to me that he sees that sometime in my future I’ll use my random skills. We’ll see. I used to believe that, and I’m clinging to it.
Oh, also, randomly, dreamed about June. And it was a rather . . . nice dream. Strange. She was fun in her own way. I do wonder what would have happened if I’d given her the second chance she asked for back when I was about to start things with Evangeline. I guess I’ll never know.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned with Amber, it’s that often time second chances aren’t. They’re just an opportunity to crush all hope that the first could have kept going.