At The Wall? in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

Yesterday was another nothing day. Did what I could as far as chores, errands, and job hunting. But… there wasn’t much to the day.

Woke up at 4 am for no reason. Kicked around, did some research, and came back to bed. Alarm went off at 7 and I got up to go turn it off. I set a new alarm for 7:30 and came back to bed. But… Wife woke up and told me that my second alarm would wake her so I’m not allowed to do that… or if I want to, I have to go into the living room. I wasn’t going to start a fight, but it did start my day on a sour note. The woman who hits the Snooze button on her alarm five times before getting out of bed is telling me that I can’t do the same? Kiiiind of bullshit.

It was raining hard.... so hard, and I’ve never heard of this before, that schools were cancelled! Now, to be fair, the cancellations were due to flash floods and the like but seriously… have not heard of school districts cancelling for that before. Of course… that made the drive to work… interesting. I-80 was partially a river but, as with all driving, if you stay off your cell phone, pay attention to what you’re doing, and follow expected driving courtesy rules… there shouldn’t be a problem. That is far too much to expect from Omaha drivers. There was an accident pretty much every 20 yards. Made the commute take a long time.

Court, however, was super fast. Like… I spent more time in my car trying to get to work than I did in the courtroom. No big deal, though, as I surprisingly have a full day of shifts today. So I started walking back to the office and the rain let up (temporarily). As I passed a van, a man got out and started trying to get my attention. Considering I am leaving a jail in a suit and tie… my guard is usually pretty high when things like that happen. The man, who spoke English well but with a clear accent, wanted to know when visiting hours started. I’ve worked in Corrections for over 3 years and… I honestly don’t know when Visitations begin :/ Then he asked if I was an attorney. I did my typical mental pause of… what answer should I give… and told him I was an attorney but just not for Nebraska. It actually led to an interesting conversation as the gentleman could not fathom how the American Legal System worked with State Licensing Boards as opposed to a larger National Licensing system. It was an interesting conversation and, as is more and more true, it was nice to talk to somebody out of the blue like that.

My plan for now… do a quick hour of work, catch up some more on PB Reading, and then another court shift with New Girl. She’ll be flying solo next week… but I’m sure she’ll do great.
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After work, I went home… did laundry… and definitely had a mixed emotion afternoon. One of those Anxiety plus Depression conflicts.

I was all… angsty and I felt bad about it. Because I really should work on being okay where I am and with what I have… but the word MORE keeps circling in my mind.

I want more in my life and for my life. And I know that it is okay to want more… but I really do need to learn to be okay with what I have at the moment.
I want more… I want more from my job. I want a real legal job. I want a job that I’m good at but challenges me. I want a job that pays enough but allows me to spend time with my family.
I want more… I want more from my wife and more for my wife. I want to provide her with a husband that makes her happy, takes care of her and provides for her. I want a wife who enjoys her life, who is willing to put in effort for herself and for me. I want more for our relationship and from our relationship.

Strangely… those are the two big things in my heart. I want to get my job squared away and my marriage squared away. And the frustrating thing is… it feels like those are the only two things I’ve wanted for so long. I’ve applied to more jobs and I’m trying to be both more communicative and more understanding in my marriage............. I suppose at the moment I feel a little like Sisyphus.

That being said.... I chose to randomly end this with colorful SFW (hopefully) pictures from Anime. Yes, Harem Anime that is either Fan Service or Ecchi but (and I can’t say this enough and people don’t believe me) these shows don’t NEED to be Harem or Ecchi or Fan Service. Good characters and good scripts are present… in fact, the fan service elements often make it difficult to share with people as they don’t see past it.