i think. maybe. steph things. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

i think. maybe. steph already has resigned she’s just basically killing time untill i meet the new lady and move in. and when i move in might not be my choice. i don’t trust that it will be. i’m hoping that when i get there things’ll be better but i don’t know. they might not be. but i think. i like the newness of that. of the idea of moving. i won’t have the history i have w/ steph. she er. i won’t be living w/ her anymore. and thank god. thank god i don’t have to be around that happy robot [sorry. i’ll stop].
so the other day my mom and i were talking and she said something like ‘well if it’s not a good fit then it’s not a good fit’. i don’t really care why she said it just that she did. and it’s like wow shouldn’t that matter? but evidently not. i want it to but i don’t know that others do. right........now. bc of how much i’ve screwed up. and i have a lot. i was hoping weirdly that by steph resigning she wouldn’t be the way she is. she wouldn’t be happy. not that that’s in my control [damnit. though i do contribute to it] and also i know who she is is different than her job. but somehow i was hoping that would change her. and i don’t like that i lost that battle as it were. i also don’t like that she and i or myself and jenn cause like i’ll tell steph anything. yeah i won’t] didn’t come and give me a timeline for when steph was going to make the decision. and now since she hasn’t i don’t trust her not to. the point isn’t if they knew or not. and no why would it be. the point is she should’ve. and that’s another battle i lost. but i won the fukin war. i just wish i’d won all the battles too. yeah and knowing me i would focus on that.