Hot child in the city in My Unpredictable Life ...

Someone please turn up the heat outside! I'm so over this cold already! The below photo is from Friday night. Amazing what a hour and a half can do. We go from -2ºF with the same windchill to -3ºF with a -16ºF windchill. Luckily Shelia worked for me that night, otherwise I'd have been out in it. Sad part is that it isn't even winter yet. And since this is the 3rd/4th time we've gotten snow since Oct. 18th, I am scared to see what the rest of the winter brings.

Finally had a Family Date Night on Friday also. We went to Applebee's & Walmart. WooHoo! lol It was nice having the family time, time that I was not nodding off or too tired to enjoy it like I normally am on the weekends. I got to sleep in on Saturday morning. Which was a rare treat also. Her basketball team lost both games, which was expected. They lost the first 16-19 so it was a close one. The 2nd game was played immediately after the 1st (they had like an 8 minute rest period between the 2 games :-/ ... ) so they were pretty tired to begin with. Playing against a fresh team didn't help either. At the beginning of the 3rd period they had only 1 point but managed to get a total of 9 points by the end of the game to the other team's 22 points. So that makes her team 1-5 for the season so far lol. Only one more Saturday game then the following Saturday (Dec 21) will be the tournament games and then we are done. I can not wait to be able to sleep on Saturdays again.

I had a talk with Tami the manager at work about starting a new schedule in Jan. She is supposed to be talking it over with Shelia. Joleen feels that Shelia is being screwed by it by having to work occasional weekends. Boofuckinghoo. But it's ok that I get stuck working EVERY weekend? Joleen threw it in my face that I "chose" to work weekends. So I kindly reminded her that #1) My first choice was to work day shift but they won't let me #2) They won't let me come in 30-45 mins late to be able to work the 3-11 shift due to the state law regarding my daughter being able to ride the school bus home so I HAVE to pick her up from school #3) my daughter has too many evening activities during the week (another reason for #2) that I would not be getting enough sleep to work 11pm-7am during the week & it wasn't fair to them that my job performance should suffer because of it. The ONLY choice left for me to work was weekends. Now that my daughter will no longer have 2 days of YMCA practice, it will be easier to work 11pm-7am during the week.

The schedule change I submitted was that Shelia and I work 4 nights on, 4 nights off. That way we occasionally get weekends off. Neither one of us is stuck working all the holidays (even though that wasn't the case before hand because there are plenty of weekend holidays also). But because some weeks she would get 4 paid days and then other weeks she would get 3 paid days, they feel like I am screwing her. I again had to remind them that the only reason Shelia has 4 days is because I GAVE her one of my days. Technically she should only be working 3 days. I told them that if it is too much of an issue then I would gladly take back my 4th day since I have seniority over Shelia. But I think the 4 days on, 4 days off is an nice, even compromise. We shall see. Honestly, Joleen just needs to stay the hell out of it & let Tami and/or Bill deal with the schedules.

I found the root of Joleen's need to protect Shelia the other morning when I worked for Shelia. Joleen feels sorry that Shelia is being controlled by her husband and her mother. If one isn't controlling her, the other is. I looked at Joleen when she said that and said, "I don't feel sorry for her. I don't feel an ounce of pity for her. That is a CHOICE she chooses to live with. There are way too many resources out there for her to be able to get herself out of that situation. She chooses not to use those resources, she chooses to live that way, I can't feel sorry for her." Joleen was actually shocked that I said that. She asked me why I was so angry when I said it and I told her, "I lived that life. I decided I deserved better for myself and got myself out of it." So then Joleen tried to use Shelia's kids as an excuse of why it isn't easy for her to get out. I told Joleen, "Bullshit! It is so much easier for her to get out BECAUSE of her kids than it is for a single woman with no kids. People will bend over backwards to help her before they would help me BECAUSE kids are involved. So yes, if she wanted out, she could get herself, and her kids out. But obviously she doesn't want a better life for herself or her children and I refuse to give her sympathy because of it." I then went on to explain a little to Joleen about my past with my mother's abuse and the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of my mother's step-father. I ended our conversation with, "I'm not looking for sympathy from you or anyone. Sympathy equates victim in my mind and I refuse to live my life as a victim. I don't expect, nor do I want you to treat me any differently than you used to now that you know some of my past. And apparently you & I won't see eye to eye with Shelia so there is no point in talking about her anymore. You want to treat her as a victim, you go right on ahead. But don't you dare treat me that way. I worked too hard to get to where I am today and I won't allow anyone to change that for me. There are always choices. People just have to decide if they have big enough balls to not only want better for themselves, but to make that better life happen." And then I left.

I am not ashamed of my past. It is a part of who I am today/I am who I am today because of my past. But I don't brag about it. I don't use it as an excuse. I don't expect to be treated differently because of it. I just want to be me; I don't want to be treated as a victim, I don't want to be seen as a victim. I want people to accept me for me, not because of my past. If that is asking too much of you, well then, goodbye. It was nice knowing you.

But they need to hurry up and make a decision about the schedule. If the 4 days on, 4 days off is not good enough for them, fine, I'll move on. Either way, they are going to need someone to cover the weekends because 4 + months of weekends only has gotten old.

It's 3 O'Clock in the morning ... Do you know where your Sassy is? Aside from a hotel bathroom taking selfies? LOL

Till next time ....