On Timmy™. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

With absolutely no disrespect to this website, I think the community Open Diary had was a phenomenon of the times. There’s two contexts. I think of how many people I’ve kept in touch with. No website since has brought me so much social interaction. It’s both the quality and quantity of people I gained over a relatively short period of time.

Two, since it was a small community, well. Maybe it was my ego, but it was almost a trope that everybody knew who Timmy™ was. Kind of how everybody knew who ShadowKat was. Even if you didn’t want to know, you knew. Every time I shot my mouth off, I could see all the eyes rolling and the thoughts of “oh boy, he’s doing it again.”

And while these points are all valid, sometimes I wonder that maybe it wasn’t the website. It’s no secret I was going through a lot of shit back in 2001-2004. I wasn’t okay. But the thing is, I didn’t know I wasn’t okay. Let me say it again. I didn’t know I wasn’t okay. Instead, I babbled off-the-cuff. Re-reading stuff, all the signs were there. It was plain as day. I was hiding in plain sight. Yet, I didn’t know. It was raw, unfiltered, and I usually didn’t know what my point was.

I know too much now. I still attract quality humans on whatever website I’m on, but I’m just not the attention-seeker anymore. It only works if you don’t realize you’re an attention-seeker.

I know my issues. In some ways, I’m far worse than I was in those dark times. I’m worse BECAUSE I know.

And so, I keep quiet. There isn’t anything else to say. There isn’t anything to speculate, to wonder. It was that wondering aloud, naked for the world to see, which I think made people keep tabs on me. Love me or hate me, you knew of me. And not because of any pretense, but because I just didn’t know.