Things are okay. in Since OD is shutting down....

I’m doing alright. Days off have been fine. I didn’t do shit all day today other than sit on the couch, nap, eat, and watch tv. I didn’t even hear from anyone except Heather. We just visited on the phone for a few minutes. She walked out a few days ago and is now going to start looking for something else. I’m really sad that she’s quit because she’s been such a big part of the company and now she’s not going to be there anymore.

Dan and I just don’t talk now. We worked together on Friday and didn’t say one word to each other. He walked by me twice and not one word was spoken. I never thought things would turn so ugly this incredibly fast and it makes me very angry and frustrated. He was so mean to me the other night and I don’t see myself ever wanting anything else to do with him but I just want to know why. I think he’s just crazy and mean. I’m sorry I ever wasted my time hanging out with him but there’s a part of me that does miss the friendship we had. I want to get that back but I don’t know how.

I didn’t see my brother’s kid like hardly at all this weekend. He brought her by really early on Sunday morning but only because he needed something. I didn’t bother trying to see her today because he NEVER answers the phone and I get tired of bugging. I just get so sick of people not answering the phone and I just give up. It bothers me to not see her but I get so pissed about being blown off that it’s just worth it to sit around being angry that my brother is such a prick. He loves to say how I don’t try but fails to realize that it lies on him by ignoring my calls and text messages.

I’m going to start putting in applications for a second job somewhere. I really don’t want to work 2 jobs again but I’m not making it on one job. I hate the thought of meeting new people, learning new things and knowing that no matter where I go, I’ll more than likely have to wear some kind of uniform but I can’t just stay in this same situation forever either.

I can’t tell if I’m getting sick of not. It’s yet another reason to quit smoking. I’m terrified of getting sick because I already can’t afford to see a doctor which I have to make an appointment like tomorrow because I’m out of refills on my diabetic medication and I won’t get more until I’m seen. I’m just so fucking broke that I spend most of my time worrying about money. I really don’t have huge bills, more like a bunch of small ones but I’m just not making the money I used to and it’s a serious cause for concern. It’s better to have a job than not have a job but constantly stressing about money is not my idea of a happy life.

I had to call and cancel my health insurance because they are still billing me for coverage even though I’m behind so I’m unable to use it. I asked how and the lady said she wasn’t able to answer my question and hung up on me!!! I spent about 35 minutes on the phone just trying to get her to cancel my policy and after being told I couldn’t cancel, I blew the fuck up!!! She said it was cancelled but I don’t know if I’ll get penalized with my income tax because I owe them money or not. I since found coverage somewhere else but I don’t know if it will help me get most of my taxes or not. Fuck this shit!!! It’s my money that I’ve worked for but now that we are FORCED to pay for health insurance, it’s just another reason to keep everyone broke!!!

I’ve also lost a bunch of my credit line on of my my credit cards because my credit has gone to shit too. I am just so far down and I don’t see myself getting back up without a second job. Shit is just getting too real for me!!! I am so fucking sick of worrying about money that I could scream!!!

I’m happy to work this week because I only have to worry about light bill and car payment so it shouldn’t be too bad. I just hope I’ll make more than $30 a night this week or I’m going to come unglued!!! I’m just so tired of working so hard for so little. Some days I’m seriously just not into it.

Anyways, I’m going to watch tv and write more tomorrow.