Gonna start looking for a second job. in Since OD is shutting down....

So, work is becoming a serious problem. I made $34 last night and $36 on Tuesday night. I have student loans due in 2 days and I’d really like to pay on my cable and light bill before next week so I don’t have to spend so much out of my paycheck because it would be nice to have at least some left over. I’m really fucking sick of not making enough money and it’s so stressful. I can’t ever buy anything other than what I need and I’m just not making it. I’m going to stop and put in an application on my way to work today and see if I can get a job, even if it’s a couple of days a week.

I really don’t want to go back to working 2 jobs because physically it’s so hard because of my weight and it takes a lot out of me but I’m going to have to, at least until I can get caught up on everything. I’m really dispointed that I’ve had to go to our other location and mainly because it’s just not as busy and it’s so hard to make enough money. They’ve cut Dan down to 3 nights a week so he told me he’s going to start looking for something else. I don’t know if they did this because they don’t like him or what but I’m going to be really sad if he finds another job.

He called me last night and we talked for about 33 minutes, not like I kept track lol. He just wanted to make sure that I was still okay with us dating and everything. He said that he thinks I’m the nicest girl in the world and just wants to get to know me better. I feel the same way with him. He’s so kind, patient and actually cares to hear what I have to say. I told him that he’s made more effort in the past 2 weeks than my ex did in the 8 months we were together. I told him my ex’s were mean to me and he said that he just couldn’t ever be mean to me.

I do like him but this whole thing makes me question everything and I have a lot of self doubt. I’m glad that he wanted to get to know me before asking me out but it’s so crazy that we haven’t talked about sex and we don’t even really touch each other. My friends say that’s a good thing that we are taking things slow and he’s interested in more than getting in my pants. I am excited to see where this can go but I worry that once he realizes how boring I really am that he’s going to second guess this. I really haven’t done much for the past 2 years other than work so it’s going to be a change actually having someone to do things with.

I just feel tired today. I got up early and I know I’m getting my period any minute now. I just hate that I’m in such a shitty place with money right now but it’s up to me to fix it. I really don’t want to work 2 jobs because it’s going to put a serious strain on Dan and I getting to know each other but I’m sure we can work it out. It would be nice to go down to 4 nights a week where I’m at though. I just can’t keep doing this shit because I’m sick of struggling to pay bills on time and in full and I haven’t had to deal with this shit in so long that it’s overwhelming as fuck.

Sometimes it would be nice if my parents could ever help but they can’t even help themselves. I’m angry that my parents have made such poor choices all these years and still don’t do anything to change. My little brother called me last night and said my parents got him a job app for a hardware store. It’s sad that he’s so bored that he wants to work. It’s sad that my little brother has more interest in getting a fucking job than my Dad, who’s 60 years old. I feel bad that I’m never around but I just can’t stand being at their smelly house and hearing all their negative stories. They’d rather sit and bitch than get off the fucking couch and do the right thing. My Mom works but my Dad still just sits around soaking off of her. Ridiculous.

Anyways, I think I’m gonna try and nap for a little bit and then take a shower. I really hate the thought of getting a second job but I don’t see any other way to be ok financially. I constantly worry about money and I’m fucking sick of it. I want better for myself and it’s not going to happen until I work more than I do because the job I’m at is a fucking hellhole. It’s bullshit I’ve been there for 23 months and still, no raise.