Middle Earth in Everyday Ramblings

We are at that transition point of late summer early fall. Overcast and glare, the air like the ocean full of cool and warm currents, crickets in the early evening and chestnuts breaking open on the ground.

I burned through a precious vacation day today by napping and playing with the cats and listening to classical music. Not sure what is going on but of all the students that have attended the three yoga classes I have taught so far this week, everyone has been female. I have been teaching material relating to the area around the tailbone, the sacrum and the source of the sciatic nerve and in the course of that I have ended up with sore hamstrings in both my legs.

Well, the over 11 miles of walking I did on Monday after being anxious and overwhelmed Sunday about the logistics of getting the girls on the train on time probably had something to do with that too.

I did walk over our new non-car bridge! It is very up, elevated, one has to go up a ramp to get to it and it is curved. It is an extraordinary structure. I managed a couple of shots with my phone in the gloomy mist. The part I liked the best about walking over it midday on the Monday after all the big festivities over the weekend was watching the young fathers with their sons oohing and ahhing at the design.

The girls did get off home on time. Miss G. was most appreciative of the effort. I was so relieved I sat there on a bench in the baggage loading area of our beautiful restored but perfectly functional train station and let relief wash over me. It has been a very long time since I have felt the weight of being responsible for others in such a visceral way with so little control. The anxiety was almost crippling it was so intense and my guess is that this is referred anxiety from long ago stored in my body.

This right out on the edge not knowing if I am going to be able to cope with what arises is basically how I spent my adolescence. And there it all was, wow, just so present here all these years later. The great thing about being older is one has all this practical experience to draw on and we all did wonderfully but the feelings for me were so strong! Bleh. Would not like to experience that again.

Aversion we call this in yoga land.

So that is why I am resting today. There are all these thorny little problems at work and I need to focus and make my way through them. Yesterday morning I was looking at what needed to be done and am like, no, don’t think so, not today. Plus there are signs in email strings coming back to me that my concentration is off. A misplaced word on an edit I didn’t see or a typo here and there.

In six weeks I will be through this corridor. I will let go of the Caregiver class (She asked me today, my coordinator, if they paid me would I be willing to stay…) and I hope the subbing (though the baby that I am ostensibly covering for has been somewhat resistant to being born so it may be a bit longer than that)… and I will be down to teaching my favorite class once a week until January.

We have four days away at the beach at the end of October. That will be so so wonderful.

I have been aware while writing this about how lucky I am not to live in a conflict zone and how privileged my life is. I am happy to be independent and able to work and better yet, able to take a vacation day and sleep through most of it in a safe warm comfortable bed.

Last updated September 17, 2015