It's been awhile. in Since OD is shutting down....

 I haven't written in a while because I've just been busy working, being depressed and focused on going back to our other location.....

So my supposed best friend that works at our other location has kinda turned into a piece of shit. I haven’t talked to her since last week and don’t plan to. I’ve actually changed my number again and give up on going back there. The longer I’m where I’m at, the more I want to stay. I talked to a guy that I worked with over there and I just feel like he’s been more honest with me than she has. All I’ve done is talk to her about going back over there because I made more money and blah blah blah. She kept telling me that it could happen, she’s spoke to the GM about it…well my old co-worker told me that the GM has some underline issue with me and I’m probably not going to come back while he’s there. Yeah. Hard pill to swallow.

I’ve been drinking a lot lately. It started with just having a beer every night to a big beer, a bottle of wine and many shots. I started sinking even deeper into depression and finding every reason to drink. I’ve now been sober for 3 days and realize that I’m going to be okay. I need to let the shit go that makes me want to drink.

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been hanging out with my co-worker Dan. We’ve been hanging out after work, before work, and he calls me everyday. He told me that he didn’t want a relationship and doesn’t want to date people he works with, I knew that I liked him but wasn’t going to try and push for anything. I respected his wishes....

Well tonight, we are at work and at some point he comes up to me and says, “So, this weekend” and I look up at him and he finishes with, “I wanna ask you on like a real date” so I smile at him and say, “hell yeah” and he said that we would do something fun!! This completely took me for surprise so I didn’t plan how I would react because he’s been very adamant about just being friends so for him to ask me on a real date…holy shit!!! I never saw that coming and I’m really excited and nervous all at the same time. I don’t even remember the last time someone asked me out on an actual date so I’m super excited.

He stopped by earlier and I even remember telling him how I don’t trust men. I really do like him because he’s really sweet to me, easy to talk with and I feel like he’d actually treat me like I’m worth a fuck. I asked him tonight why the change of heart and he said because we’ve gotten to know each other. I know he’s scared because he said later that he just doesn’t want to dive into anything head first and I’m okay with that. I’m glad that we work together because it helps with things not going too fast.

It’s just crazy because he’s made more effort in the past 2 weeks with me than my ex did in the 8 months we were together. There’s been different things that kinda made me wonder if he liked me that way. Saturday night I got off work and started drinking and he called from his parents house which is a good 30 minutes away and I said something about it sucked that he was that far and he asked me if I wanted to come back and he did!!! He bought a new jacket last night and he looked so good that I seriously couldn’t stop looking at him. I told him how good he looked and he smiled so brightly.

I’m definitely scared because I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want work to be effected. I plan to talk to him more about this just to make sure. I also don’t say much about it at work because I’d rather people know as little as possible. I had someone ask about it tonight and I said that we hang out and he’s turning into one of my best friends there. I’d rather keep it on the DL just because he’s already had his hours cut and I don’t want things to get compromised whatsoever. This is already hard enough that I just want things to stay good and positive at work.

I’m honestly scared to death because I don’t trust men at all and because I honestly never saw him asking me out because he was so adamant about us just being friends. I am still super shocked that he asked me out. It was the cutest thing and I could tell he was scared as hell that I was going to say no. I told him later we hang out all the time anyway. l just like him because he’s so nice to me, he’s so fun to spend time with and he’s like the perfect amount of redneck for me. He drives a Ford truck, has a cute dog, he likes camo stuff (his seat cover, floor mats) and he took me shooting the other day. I got too shy to shoot but I watched him.

Anyways, the whole thing with Matt ended with me telling him to go fall down a flight of stairs. It was just nothing but a game to him. He was trying to get me to come over and have sex with him the other night and I was just a raging bitch. He hasn’t bothered me since and I hope it stays this way. He was part of the reason I was drinking so much. I don’t want him to leave me alone, I NEED him to. I admit that I had feelings for him but I could see that it just wasn’t gonna go anywhere so I’m glad that I was a big enough bitch to him that he’s left me alone.

i had my niece Sunday night and I slept a lot on my days off with the exception of having her and hanging out with Dan. It’s been so nice to have someone my own age to hang out with. I honestly hope this continues.

So I’m gonna watch my movie and get to bed. I’m gonna try and write more tomorrow before work.