Here in Iowa in Every day scata

This past Monday, I was released from the psych ward after a 72 hour hold.

The back pain has driven me to the point of seriously contemplating suicide. I didn’t have a plan for it until today. Today… today my buttons have been pushed one too many times, boundaries are non-fucking-existent. I am so tired of being told what to do, who to talk to, what color to dye my hair… hell I’m surprised my wardrobe isn’t picked out for me.

I have no friends. None. Not a one here in town. Because of the jealousy issues, I never have felt comfortable making friends to hang out with. I just didn’t ever want a fight.

So my friends are all online.

I belong to a group on fb. Bipolar to the Max. I’ve grown close to the creators, became an admin of the group, and felt as though I had a nice little family.

Today I was talking to the creators, telling them about how things are so fucking rough at home, and it just isn’t making it any easier for me mentally. (I’ll write about that in Happy Little Depressed Person if anyone cares) . … well P was reading the conversations on her Kindle as I fucking typed them, signed into my account.

Not only has she violated me (nothing new) but violated two of my closest friends. And I’m sure they aren’t my friends anymore after that. I told them to block me from group because of it.

I’ve lost my family, and my friends, and the person responsible thinks that her actions are ok.

I’ve sent her an email asking to see some of her recent conversations on fb… I mean it’s only fair, right?

But I know it won’t happen.

I am exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted.

And I don’t know what to do.