just last the year in furious, fragile, and free

11:40 p.m.

My new roommates and I went out to dinner for the first time – and, like, it wasn’t that much fun. They aren’t the people I’d choose to hang out with on a regular basis and here I am living with them.

There’s Natalie, fellow PR major (so we’ll also have all our classes together), extremely high strung, well aware of the fact she’s not very likable.

There’s Sam, who I share a room with; English major, has anxiety, seems a little passive aggressive so far.

I’m pretty laid back and upfront; I like to vibe with people who are silly and listen well. I KNEW this was going to happen, because my roommates from last year all graduated and scattered, leaving me to find replacements who I don’t like as much.

Junior year was such a moment in time, and I’m missing it already. It’s hard to find friendships that are meaningful and worthwhile. And when you do, they don’t last because we are so transient at this age. Social media doesn’t replace two a.m. conversations or remembering to buy their regular at Pick Up Stix.

Last night was the DA staff bonding bonfire that I had planned. Though I soon realized I don’t really know how to plan bonfires??? Regardless, the majority of my staff showed up and it was pretty successful. I drank margaritas out of reusable water bottles and we played soccer and – besides getting bit by some mutant creature in the bay and having an extremely swollen toe – the night was wonderful. Everyone seemed like they wanted to all hang out again, which is the goal, so I’m happy.

Seeing that I’m editor in chief of a pretty respectable newspaper and a JMS major, my writing has been OFF POINT lately. I’m struggling to write my “welcome back” letter for the next issue and my mom had to basically rewrite it for me to produce something substantial. My voice, here, now, is off-center and not what I want. I haven’t written a decent article in like a year, probably.

It’s like all my life, I’ve been in a perpetual rut. From one rut to the next.

It’s a pretty anticlimactic last-weekend-of-summer. It’s my last Saturday before the storm hits, and I did laundry and had an average evening with my roommates.

In two days, my senior year of college will begin – and I’ll drink too much coffee, probably sleep too little, drink too much, not eat healthy enough.

but, I’ll try. I’ll try to go to the gym regularly, make coffee at home rather than drain my paychecks at Starbs, eat regular meals like a regular person, still drink a lot, still probably not sleep enough, lead my team, save the newspaper, pass my classes and ultimately get a job at the end of the rainbow.

It’s a pretty tall order.