um so evan & i. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

we’re still good. we almost fought tonight. but didn’t. i was already frustrated and he didn’t have much time to talk and so. then that didn’t help. and i’m like ‘um. i should go’. i’ve learned that when someone’s put out/irritable it’sbest to just walk away. as it were. no and it’s not fukin easy believe me i know. the other day i got angry w/ him for........something and he’s like ‘well i just want to make you happy but fine now i won’t’ and hung up on me. which he has a right to do. and i’ve texted him and told him that. but other than that. we haven’t fought in months. also i’ve learned don’t piss off a crazy person [ok so that sounds slightly er judgemental]. it’s just not a good idea. i know this bc i have. it’s not good for him it’s not good for me neither of us needs it. and he’s also like ‘i’m not obligated to answer the phone’ and ok maybe he’s not. he’s not. er like he’s not wrong about that. but ya know at the time it didn’t help. wow sorry didn’t realise i was such a damn inconveience. i didn’t say that though. all i said was ‘i didn’t know.......you felt obligated’. and maybe he doesn’t but that’s how i took it. so right now i still need time. so ya know it’s probably good he’s asleep [even though honestly a part of me wishes he wasn’t. cause then i could bitch him out. though he did say i could yell at him which.......i’m going to take at face value. i’m going to take it literally. but right now he’s asleep, so]. cause otherwise i’d just be a bitch to him. oh yeah i’m terrible to people at times. i’m scared of my anger not to mention other people’s.
yeah he’s crazy. and people i think judge him for that. and it’s sad. i have mental disorders too but i. control them to the best of my ability. no see my thing is i don’t want people knowing what’s going on w/ me. and also again as i’ve mtneioned i’m scared. not just of what’ll happen to me. but aside from that. also um. of my own anger. it’s embarassing for me to admit i have anger issues. although a lot of people do so it really shouldn’t be. but and yetit somehow still is. i’ve only admitted it to one person and she was totally cool about it. my good friend Susie. i’m not a particularly outwardly expressive person. and actually other than when he’s put out neither’s evan. like ifi’m pissed off. or annoyed. yeah people are gonna know. they might not understand all of it but they’ll know somethin’s up. but other than that.........no. and it’s sad. bc once someone gets to know him. honestly he’s one of the sweetest people i’ve met. and maybe if he wasn’t. you know how he is he wouldn’t be that sweet i don’t know.