Music For Lovers in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

Someone gave me a unique challenge, so I thought I’d do it. Let me explain the challenge and why I’m going to do it.

Someone asked me if I would do an entry of all the songs that meant something to me regarding people in my life, she specifically said people who have been my lovers and why. I thought this would be a great entry because A) I love music B) There seems to be this idea (that I’m sure I perpetuate) that I’ve not had any significant relationships besides the two I mention OVER and OVER… I thought this would be a good way to recap that.

So let’s start backwards:

James

We had an all-too-brief affair that tragically ended with his suicide. We met at karaoke last summer and had many random drunken encounters, but we had a lot of fun together sober. He would sing this and, even though he couldn’t carry a tune, he would scream this song so passionately, in hindsight I should’ve seen the pain he was feeling when he sang it. I sing it now in remembrance of him. I miss him muchly.

Cesar

I met Cesar one night around Christmas in 2013, took him home, and we spent a week straight together, then he left for a few weeks. Then came back for another week or so. It was like a really intense shot of intimacy that I hadn’t let myself have. He and I did a lot of things that I had never done, and I mean PDA kind of things. We held hands in public when we went out to eat, kissed on the streets of LA and a lot of things that I hadn’t really had the opportunity to do in other relationships before, mostly because of my own fears or the fears based on the identity of others. He loved David Bowie and would wake me up in the middle of the night humming this song. We lost touch because he moved to Palm Springs, but we’re great friends and wish him nothing but love and luck with wherever he ends up. And besides, who knows, maybe we’ll come together one day when we are back in each others’ orbits.

Edgar

Well, Edgar and I are probably one of the more well-known relationships I’ve had. Our relationship in Paris was a stormy one. It was intense on a level that I hadn’t experienced in many years, although I mean “intense” in a good kind of way. We were kind of in our own world. When we would leave each other, we would seem to break apart at the hinges. I was ready for something serious, for someone that would love me as intensely as I loved them. He needed someone to see how special he was. We were doomed from the very beginning. While the subtitle for the song translates as “Long and Painful”, there was a calmness to us when we were in our bubble in Paris that made us withstand everything that happened on that trip. This song was very special to me and still is.

Adam

Those who read before on OD might remember when I referred to him as “The Littlest Christian”. We had an on-again, off-again fling that lasted for years. I couldn’t get him off my mind for years and years. I fought so hard for that kid. He was struggling so much to come to terms with his sexuality and I just wanted to help him through that. I got kicked out of my church for him. I traveled halfway across California to track him down. He would just walk into my house and climb into my bed and wake me with a blow-job. It was the best sex of my life. We were like two halves of the same whole. The last time I saw him, I left Bastien (a friend from Paris) in the care of Edgar while I went and fucked him in a field near the foot of the mountains underneath the stars. This song always reminds me of him because I joked that I was willing to burn in Hell to be with him. I heard the Shiny Toy Guns version before I heard the original by the Blue Öyster Cult.

Shawn

I met Shawn shortly after my 21st birthday and we dated briefly. He was so sweet and so in love with me. I care for him deeply, but I knew he wanted things that I couldn’t give him. We even gave it a try again when I was about to turn 26. He was so great, I sometimes wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn’t get myself into that headspace. We’re still very close friends. He lives in Michigan now and has a great life, but he’s still single and hoping for everything he wanted. It was so natural, our progression from friendship to boyfriends, I still kick myself about it. I always thought this song perfectly captured our relationship and how it kind of/not quite happened.

Jeff the Jew

This is another name that should ring a bell with a few people who have read me for years upon years. I know this shouldn’t really count, but this whole unrequited love scenario was more about my relationship with my self. I had actually not been involved in a serious relationship in many years and I gave myself permission to embarrass myself again. Disastrous is a word too often applied to romantic entanglements but is definitely descriptive of this whole scenario. We met at a Blondie concert and spent five years sparring and spurning. I finally let him go and have been much more stress-free since then, but this song reminds me of him. He opened my mind to so much and I’m grateful for the awful situation in spite of it all.

He loved the line “I know some tricks I swear will give you the bends”; how apropos.

Daniel

He was my second boyfriend and the first one I met at karaoke (a trend which would continue for many, many years). I don’t talk about it too much because it was silly. He was older and a waiter at the restaurant where I sang karaoke. He was gorgeous, four years old than me.... seriously, he looked like one of the singers from LFO (the hot blonde one). We broke up because I was really just on hiatus from my first boyfriend and I only dated him to make Joe jealous (the only time I’ve ever done that.... ugh). He used to sing this song every week at karaoke and I always found the Tom Jones version absolutely intolerable, but when it appeared on Glee, I realized how fun it was. He’s the only one of these people (who are still alive, aside from Adam) whom I don’t still talk to.

(Skip to 55 seconds in)

Joe

I’ve written about Joe so many times and yet I find my memories of him fading. Our relationship was such a rollercoaster even the years after his death. There’s really only one song that could be here. He used to play it whenever he was bored. Even in the middle of the night, when I snuck him into my room, he would plug headphones into my keyboard and play it while I slept. I’d wake up to hear the sounds of him pounding this rhythm into the keys. For years after his death, I couldn’t stand to hear this song. I remember I once slammed the piano closed on the fingers of a friend who was playing this. It took nearly 10 years before I could listen to it. Now, I remember all the wonderful times we were alone and he was bored… Hmmm....

**Bonus Track:

Joe Part 2**

There’s one thing that I’ve never really talked about and that was our sex life. It was intense. I probably had more sex with Joe than I’ve ever had with any individual person in my life. There were a couple of times where we were having sex and I had my mixtape on (to mask the noise from my grandparents) and this would come on and he would POUND ME LIKE CRAZY. OMG, this song makes me sweat to this day with memories of him railing my ass...... GOD DAMN.............

This was actually a lot of fun, you guys should try it, if you feel like going down memory lane.