on the violation front. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

ya know. in the past whenever i was violated in some way i never documented it. also it didn’t happen enough to be documented. and bc of that i didn’t feel it was bad enough to be documented. to be brought up. cause other have it ‘so much worse’. but w/ this it’s been documented. and w/ this. i know [well i don’t know i’m only guessing] amber will get what’s coming to her. yes but i don’t want the universe to take care of it i want me to take care of it. cause of how entitled i am [yeah i’m not exactly proud of that] and also bc i want to give her a piece of my damn mind. as i should want to. but a: acting on impulse/emotions isn’t usually a good idea for me and 2: i’‘m still afraid of what’ll happen if i do. i shouldn’t ‘have’ to live in fear like this. but i am. but i do. untill i get someone new. and even if i had someone new i don’t know that it would be better. yeah. this is a big thing for me. if she’d threatened me once then honestly no i probably wouldn’t’ve brought it up. but it wasn’t just me that knew about this. like no there were fukin witnesses. to it. it was in the emails. and it kept happening.
i’m just. i’m..........processing this. i’m not in a good place w/ this [well no]. or in general bc of this. right now this is the main thing going on. in my life. aside from this everything else is alrite.