The stuffs in 1st

This will be long as I have not updated. Recently Deidra messaged me via Facebook and I had told her this: It’s not the long catching ups I need it’s someone to call on daily when things happen. Here after many things happen I need a long catch up. Though honestly it is still the other way. I need to come in daily… every other day.... even once a week would be good. Ya’ll know I’m not good at this but I don’t want to be without it.

Anyways, begin update..... So a month and 2 weeks ago I met a guy (Tellum) in game who is in my clan and more talkative than I’m used to. The thing happened that always happens. We talk, find many a common ground, then I grow bored. I have more days in which I don’t want to talk to anyone. I try to schedule my time in game so that I’m not on at the same time he is. I avoid and retract. I have no idea why I do this but the time is at hand when my work schedule will have me online when he is as it did when we were first talking. Or I don’t play my game for a month.... not likely as I’m an addict. It is because of this man that I posted my engagement on FB finally. I added the clan group to my groups and didn’t want him pushing me because FB said I was single lol......

Because of that post Randy messaged me. The ex husband who would talk down to me and straight tell me I was lazy because the house wasn’t clean when he said it should be.... not that it wasn’t clean, and all but saying ugly when comparing me to other girls.... my food wasn’t his momma’s so it wasn’t good enough.... and so on… then the year before last taking me out on my birthday and telling me he still cared about me. LMAO. I love that I really do, can’t help but be tickled that he discovered I am more than what I’m not.... know what I mean. Anyway, he sent me a message saying to delete and block him and he would do the same, that it was time to move on. I was so confused and excited lol. He’s always posting stuff about how we are all going to hell because we allow for thing like Caitlyn Jenner to happen in our society and lift them up for bravery. I don’t agree with anything in that statement at all. I’ve been wanting an excuse to remove him from my FB family all together but… I loved him once and it’s hard. Not so hard now. I can’t be friends with you because you are going to get married is a horrible reason to block and delete someone. LMAO what an idiot. It’s amazing I ever loved him really.

2 weeks ago Rocky hit a stop sign in the WalMart parking lot. The kind with the concrete bottom..... did some good damage to his vehicle. Dented all the way in to the motor mount. Rocky is a hands on guy. He likes to learn so he did the repairs himself. It took a week to replace all the stuff and around 600 bucks but it’s back to almost normal.... no airbag and the hood is bent also there is a “sound”. Rocky assures me it’s fine.... sure…

Every year Scott (my brother) and many members of The Rising Sun (Anime Group) to to Anime Weekend Atlanta. It’s a rather large Anime convention with an obvious location. They start plans as soon as they get back from the years event for next year. The house needs to be thoroughly cleaned before the event because they will stay the night here before heading on to Atlanta in the morning. Arrivals start at about 8:30pm till midnight and they leave about 8ish in the morning. There was a small rub over the trash that urked me and though I felt the need to write it when I started this I don’t feel like I care now. I mean not more than to say it is soooo time for us to go. I am 1 female amongst 3 males 2 of which are pigs and believe that because I am the female I should do all the cleaning. The other thinks I should do all the cleaning because I don’t mess with cars and lawns..... either way.... sexism sucks, but at least the house is cleaned. It will stay that way for at least the weekend, until the group gets back .

In a great attempt to dwindle the overgrowing book population Rocky and I are accumulating I bought an e reader. I love it but am disappointed at the same time. It’s a kobo e reader. It’s very basic but has that e ink which makes the pages look like real pages. However, it’s not back lighted so I still can’t read in the dark. It only cost me 30 bucks though so I can’t really complain. It’s great for work because it takes up far less room than an actual book and I uploaded all the Anne Rice stuff I wanted to read. I’m on Taltos now as I suddenly felt the need to add the Mayfair Witch stuff.

My sister and I have been texting back and forth all day… it’s been horrible. She’s moved in with her boyfriend. I’m cool with it.... or should I say indifferent to it I turned in her keys and she will have hers till the 30th. However, the important set is the set I just turned in. There was a big misunderstanding on the security deposit I still don’t expect to get. She thinks she paid it and therefore it’s her money when that’s all said and done. There were lies said. She said there wasn’t a deposit, mom said she paid it, and that she spent it all already. None of which is true. This however is why I went to turn in the keys, I didn’t want to do it till the 30th. If Alicen does all the cleaning on that list and blah blah 55 for carpet shampooing and blah blah disposal of anything left.... there seems to be a lot of ifs and I know how these folks work so I really don’t expect anything from it BUT it really was hurtful that she didn’t remember I had done that. I had moved her back here with my money. I helped her get that place. I spent the next weeks moving her stuff from moms to her place. She said I only did it so she wouldn’t live with mom. That I did it as a gift to my mother and I shouldn’t expect a return on a gift. .... I hate that her brain is sick. That’s how I see it I guess. She is physically slow but her brain is sick she forgets random things. Makes things up… “tells untruths” and mom says.... LIES… and the teller is a liar and that’s that. Alicen is a liar and I hate it. She gets so offended when you call her out too. “Who do you think you are calling me a liar” as if she has no idea what the word means because even when you can point out the lie she says “that doesn’t make me a liar”.... a person who lies is a liar..... sigh it is very frustrating to talk to her. the kind of frustrating in which I have to say “Mom, Alicen’s being stupid. Can you call and straighten her out.” I hate doing that.... mom has enough to handle. However, Alicen is somewhat straightened out I guess and the deposit money won’t come for another month so we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

One last thing, important and not.... I say not because no actual action will ever become of it. i don’t know that I have ever said anything to anyone here.... to anyone ever really. The talking to Tellum (see first update), we have talked about nearly everything. He tells me he goes through bouts of depression and I wanted to tell him of my own. Sometimes, I want to get into an accident in which I am injured enough to land me in a hospital for a week. I want to know who would stand for me. Who would visit. Who really cares. I want to struggle to regain myself just to see who would encourage me. Would Rocky run or change in some manner if he had to take care of me for awhile. Would he buck up and be my knight in shinning armor or fall to the way side and make like a coward. It passes moments after I think it every time. It does not linger. It catches me off guard most times it comes but it stays only long enough for me to think of things like.... who would do this or that unimportant thing… mom would be a wreck and she’s nearly there now.... Alicen would have a fit because for at least a week I would be more important than her.... thinking of others… that’s how I keep from going crazy, yet most days I want nothing more than to be left alone. I am a contradiction in just being alive..... sometimes.

Not today, but sometimes.