trust. and GPS. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

um so this happened recently. so for awhile when i go out to the gas station i also go to the bar. and up untill thurs. no one had said anything about it. the times i have gotten something at the bar it’s only been water. which isn’t really the point.
so on thurs. i’m coming back from the gas station when jenn pulls up. i’m not sure who it is at first and so i’m like i don’t know if i should get in.........well it was jenn so that worked out.
and so when i got back to the house steph’s all ‘where were you you must tell me’. well that’s how it came across. i told her i’d gone to the gas station which i had. and she asked where i’d gone before that and i ended up telling her. well if you come at me w/ a ‘where the hell were you’ then no i’m not going to tell you. so either........someone GPS-ed me as my phone has GPS on it or someone followed me.
did they honestly think i was going to be completely honest w/ them about where i was going? well they must’ve. oh people are stupid. and funny. if you have my twisted off sense of humuor. but no. i’m not that honest w/ most people. yeah i’m not a big fan of phones having GPS on them. it’s more the fact that it was eluded to that bothers me. that it was brought up. and so if that’s in fact what happened if they did sign into the phone’s account online and track me then. [and this might change in a wk. or so] i want to have my phone off next time i go out. the GPS doesn’t work if the phone’s not on. and no i don’t feel safe that way i feel. paranoid. every time i’ve gone out i’ve had my phone on. but now that this has happened i don’t want to. i don’t know if that’s what happened. but if it isn’t and they just followed me. well the only thing i can do about it [well ok not the only thing 1 of the 2 things. but this is what i’m going to do about it right now] is to not go out. cause i can’t trust them to not do that. and they can’t trust me. so we’re even.
i’d never do that to someone track them. unless they told me it was ok. it’s a bit similiar to going through a woman’s purse. the way i see it is unless she ok-ed it. then no just don’t do it. i’d respect the hell out of their privacy. otherwise they wouldn’t be able to trust me. and while that’s not true of everyone it is of some people. me for example. where my friends go is their business. i’m also not responsible for anyone but myself so i see it differently. i want those i consider my friends to be able to trust me. so therefore it’s not ...........like yeah i don’t likethat steph doesn’t but it’s also a different dynamic than a friend. i mean she gets paid to help me and i wonder if she didn’t would she still be the way she is. well probably but there is that aspect of it. sure she might care but clearly not enough to risk her job for me. she might be devoted but she’s not that devoted if she’s not willing to do that. which is fine some people are just like that.
like if a friend of mine was idinno cutting for instance. and i was worried about them. i’d go to them first. and if they were close w/ like their mom or uncle or whomever and i had that contact info then i’d. well even if i had told their mom/uncle/whoever. i’d tell the friend after. and it wouldn’t go any further than that. [i’ve actually done this once regarding evan minus the cutting]. but i’d still stick by the friend. i think that’s another part of it for me. is if i tell a friend something i expect to be able to trust them enough to stick by me through it and not tell anyone else except another friend i trust. and if they don’t. well they just broke that. not everyone’s like that and that’s fine. this is why evan and i are so great. well in that regard. is w/e i tell him. he won’t tell anyone. also we’re really close, so. and he knows it’s ok if he tells his mom but that’s it. he’s not the kindof person who would just abandon me in that way. [yes i know he has in others but i won’t go into that that’s not the point of this entry]. he’s not going to go tell 2 or 3 other people. and thank god. he feels the same way about trust as i do. if i knew he didn’t trust me for some reason. that would be a much bigger thing for me than like. steph or jenn not doing it. not trusting me. evan’s one of the most important peopleto me and steph and jenn just aren’t. i don’t know how that sounds..........well either way i’m being honest. and bc he is so important. i’m not gonna lose that trust. he also doesn’t have a reason to not trust me bc i’ve never given him one.