Thursday Morning in New Diary

I have a wonderful fiancé. She is very loving, kind, patient. She is the perfect woman. We live in an apartment building where people treat her like shit. Case in point there was this elderly woman. She was helping her out. She did a lot of things for this one woman and then this ‘lady: turns around and calls her the worse thing you an call a woman. Also there was this other woman she was friends with She loaned this other lady $20 and was never paid back. Fiancé dropped her after she didn’t pay her back. Now the lady who owes money treats her as if my fiancé did something terribly wrong. She is very hostile towards her All of this has taken a toll on my fiancé.

I hate to see her get so upset. I keep telling her that those people are not worth the time of your day. She has done nothing wrong and she is so much better than those other women I keep telling her that all you need to do is go about your business and hold your head up high. My friend has done nothing wrong to anyone Really pains me to see her get upset over people who cannot hold a candle to her in the first place.

I just had that off my chest. As for me I am doing a lot better. I had a wonderful day yesterday. I am feeling pretty good today. On a scale of one to ten I would rate the depression as a one. Anxiety is a bit high as well as the paranoia. I still do not like to leave my apartment. I still have very low energy level. But the depression is way down. This is going to be a good day for me.

I did something stupid yesterday. I bought that Harper Lee novel Go Set A Watchman. I put it on my new credit card. I think I ‘m going to pay it off today I don’t want to run up a huge credit card bill. I am stupid, stupid and stupid for doing that. I need another book like I need a hole in my head. Now I have at least seven unread books on my Nook. Think I might try call them and pay that bill off today It was only $13.99

What can I say? I am addicted to books and reading. I love to read and spend most of my day reading. It keeps my mind from ruminating. I am not thinking about crap in the building. I am not worrying about anything. I get lost in books and I don’t go overboard on books. I always make sure I have money for rent, meds and Comcast. I always make sure I have enough food to eat for the month. I just love books and I truly believe they are the best drug in the world. I don’t think I have a problem with spending too much money on books.

My problem is using the credit card. That book only cost $13.99 but if I don’t pay it off it can add up and up. That is what I’m worried about. I should have used my debit card. That way it was paid for and I don’t have nothing to worry about. Now I will be worried about this damned credit card bill. I wont be able to rest until it is paid off. I think I’m going to pay it off and kill the card .

9:59am Well I paid off the book I didn’t kill the card. I’m not going to use it except for emergencies. I was on the phone with them and made the payment. Been on the phone with Healthways and pharmacy. Going to get a med delivery today. Case manager is coming also. I have a lot top talk about today.

Last updated August 06, 2015