Wednesday Morning in New Diary

I might not be running but I am up so that is half the battle. Got up at 6 this morning. I had a good night last night. Fiancé and I sat outside after supper. It was a nice day but very hot. I told her getting outside did me a world of good. She always manages to cheer me up. We had a good supper of potato salad and cucumbers Then we went to my place and watched the news for a little bit and she went home

I had a good evening. I read my book about John Marshall. I was reading about his time as Congressman. He became a staunch alley of John Adams After the session was over Adams appointed Marshall Secretary of State. That is the next chapter. Finished that chapter and went to bed early.

I got my Capital One credit card yesterday. I activated it. Right away I wanted to order pizza. But my sensible self took hold of me. I am proud of myself. I didn’t buy any books last night. I am really afraid to use it. I keep telling myself that the last thing I need is a credit card bill. It is for emergencies only! It is for emergencies only!

I feel pretty good this morning. On a scale of one to ten depression and anxiety are down to a one. I don’t understand it. One day I have a really lousy and shitty day and then everything is so much better today. I was talking to my fiancé yesterday and I said I need to do more things to help myself. I need to get out of my apartment more. I need to get off my lazy ass and take care of myself and my apartment. My laziness is only reinforcing negative thoughts and is contributing to the depression. This is easier said that done.

Oh well I am feeling good today. Always remember the positives 1) I am alive 2) I am in good health 3) I have a wonderful fiancé 4) I have a nice apartment 5) I have food to eat and clothes to wear. 6) I have money for meds 7) I have a new hearing aid. 8) I have a phone, internet and cable. 9) I have interesting books to read 10 I have a wonderful support system in Healthways. Life is good.

Yes, it is good to be alive. I am really lucky to have lived as long as I have and I do not take that lightly. I had a brother who died when he was 55. I know people from high school who are long dead now. This fact alone makes me happy for as long as you are alive there is tomorrow and as long as there is a tomorrow there is hope. Things do not have to stay the same as they are today. Things do not have to change for the worse. Things can and often do get better. If I want to overcome the depressed state I am in I think I need to make some changes in myself to make the change happen.

Last updated August 05, 2015