Tuesday Afternoon in New Diary

Well I got back from Healthways. They did not send me down state. Case manager came and picked me up at 9:30 this morning. We made it to the appointment on time. I saw the doctor first. Case manager went in with me. She told him everything that has been going on. She said I’ve been severely depressed for going on two weeks and can’t seem to shake it. She also told him about how I have been letting myself and my apartment go down the tubes. She said that she worked wit h this one agency to try and get me a worker. Then she said that the meds I have been on have not been working.

They asked me about symptoms of OCD. I said they have been minimal. They asked about paranoia. I said I still have problems with that but not as bad. I made a point of telling them that I do not want to leave my apartment. Doctor asked me how I spend my time. I said I don’t do much of anything and lost all pleasure in what I used to do. Then they talked about this evaluation I am going to have which will be Friday at 3. It is to see if I need a change in my diagnosis.

For a minute I thought they were not going to change my meds. Then the doctor said he was going to put me on Celexa and discontinue Luvox. I am going to take that in the morning. I’m still going to take the Geodon at night but take it at supper time. I am glad I will be on this new med and I hope that will be of help.

Then I saw my therapist. I had a good session with Joyce. She asked me what has been going on . We spoke about how thoughts can contribute to behavior I said I have been having a lot of irrational thoughts. I said I think I am a terrible person. We tried to use this rational behavioral therapy. Said I received a lot of that and I tried to do it recently. It doesn’t seem to help me. I know the thoughts are irrational. I know they need to be changed. But I can’t seem to change it. Then she tried a different approach. She had me list all of my good points . I had solid evidence to refute the belief that I am bad person I know that. I am far from perfect. I have my share of problems but I am not a terrible monster.

Then we were talking about things that I can do to change. I need to work on my appearance. I need to start taking better care of my apartment. She said that I will be getting a worker soon. In the mean time I can keep up with my apartment and keep myself clean. She said if I do get evicted it would be hard for me to find another place to live.

Yes I had good session. I came away feeling a lot better. Actually I felt that I had dodged a bullet. I thought for sure they were going to send me to a hospital down state. That never came up in our conversations. I am so glad of that .

Getting back to my therapy session. Case manager came up with a list of my good points. 1 I don’t cheat. 2) I never hit a woman in my life. 3) I am very kind to others 4) I don’t drink or do drugs 5) I am honest and do not steel from others 6) I like to read and better myself 7) I never been arrested or in jail There were others but this is all I can remember. Anyways she suggested that I remind myself of this fact whenever I start to think those negative thoughts.

Last updated July 29, 2015