Lie To Me in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

The other night, I initially thought about how nothing ever changes, but then I realized that far too much has changed, and although the outlines of situations might be the same, the way I inhabit them are actually quite different.

The other night, Crystal (my friend that looks like a Barbie, whom I work with) and some of my other co-workers decided to grab a drink after word. They all liked that place I took them to during our inventory schedule, so we ended up at the same place I used to hang out from about 2009-2012.

Within minutes, I ran into Charlie, the guy whom I mentioned in Silicon Avatar. His friend was there, a large, frog-voiced bear of a man who resembled a red-headed Kevin Smith. The friend kept interrupting us, and Charlie’s irritation was beyond anything I’d ever seen. I tried to laugh it off and be polite, but Gigantor was being pretty obnoxious. He told me he’d catch-up with me later and went to sort out his friend.

So I finally rejoined my friends. It was Crystal, Aliesha, Tami and Trevor, who were all my co-workers… we were joined by Trevor’s husband, Bobby. I always have a difficult time acknowledging that because I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that men can have husbands. I know that makes me a bad gay, but I just find it so strange. I had never met Bobby before this evening. In fact, when I first met Trevor, I had no idea he was even gay, let alone that he was SOOOO gay he had a husband.

(I don’t know how to talk about gay men and husbands without sounding judgmental because that’s how I talk about all marriage, even when heterosexuals are involved)

Earlier, while I had been talking to Charlie, this random guy had just burst out crying at the bar. Bobby had it in his head that he and Trevor were going to have a threesome with this emotional straight guy, and I guess Bobby was moving toward that endeavor. Charlie finally came and joined our table (which I didn’t really expect) in the midst of Bobby’s explanation of the first time he and Trevor had sex, which involves breaking-and-entering and a Mormon Church.

Bobby never stopped talking, except for the moments when I forced him to stop flapping his lips. Trevor, always quiet anyway, remained astonishingly taciturn. Bobby and Trevor were the first to leave our party, sans emotional straight guy… At one point, I rushed over to his side because the straight men started closing ranks around the emotional guy to try and protect him from this predatory homosexual. I love that bar but it is not the place where one can be swishy without some kind of comment hurled in one’s direction.

(Charlie, myself and Crystal, who hated the fact that she looked like a floating head with no body)

Charlie was in and out with us throughout the night, and one point Tami remarked that he never took his eyes off me. When I told them he’s just friendly, they all said they were surprised when I told them he was straight. Crystal said that he was clearly flirting with me. I wish.

At one point, things took a really strange turn, when my old friend Nikki came up to me. Nikki used to be one of my very best friends, but I stopped talking to her a few years ago when I got into a row with a mutual friend of ours. I was nervous and immediately rushed out to warn Crystal, also acquainted with Nikki.

I assumed Charlie knew here because I met her at the same place I met Charlie, but when I was introducing them, Charlie pulled me aside and whispered in my ear something. I don’t even remember the exact words because I remember it being so strange for him to be so close to me.

In general, people don’t get close to me. People don’t touch me. People don’t really invade my space. I’ve been told it’s because I seem “alien”, whatever that means.

But Charlie’s lips were right against my ear. I saw Nikki’s eyebrow go up. She remembers me as I was many, many years ago. In fact, I think the last time I saw her was when I was housesitting for her in Sacramento. I could see that she thought something was happening between Charlie and myself as well.

It was around this point in the evening that the typical thing happened: a fight broke out. Being as it was Charlie’s friend, he rushed off to try and break up the fight. Nikki, being who she always was, rushed out into the fight. She’s been punched in the face, had her hair pulled, and been knocked to the ground, but she isn’t afraid.

After the police came and arrested Charlie’s friend (my heart actually broke when he started screaming out in fear while the police had him pinned to the ground), the rest of our group made our escape. The three ladies kept insisting that Charlie was into me. I dismissed it, but whatever.

As soon as I stepped out of the car, my phone rang. It was Charlie. He wondered where I went to, and when I told him I’d gone home, he seemed disappointed. He thought I was going to go home with him and hang out, a request that I had assumed was just a silly joke. I told him that I wished I could, but I had an early day, and I wished him good night.

He’s been sending me messages ever since.

Maybe that sound simple to you, but maybe I should explain something. No one EVER calls me. Nobody besides my mother and occasionally my little brother messages me… unless we made plans face-to-face. My phone never rings. Nobody sends me messages for no reason. The “phone” portion of my iPhone is generally pointless. I’m alone. I’m always alone. I’ve just accepted that; it has become a reality of my life.

Charlie’s attention feels so strange. I mean, he asks me questions, he wants to know how I’m feeling. I don’t understand.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt tingly. I knew why, I was giddy because of Charlie. I started to calm myself down, but then I realized I didn’t want to. I know, intellectually, that nothing will happen between Charlie and myself. He is straight, that fact is known to me even if it’s not known to anyone else. But I like not feeling alone for once. I like feeling weightless. I like believing the lie, even if it’s just for a while. So I’ll just believe that Charlie’s into me… just for now.