Fits and prints in Normal entries

Over the past few days I have thought in terms of entry’s, that is to say I composed entries, I thought in sentences and paragraphs about things that might go into a journal. It’s different than, say, thinking about ice cream or death or mud puddles. One of the things I was thinking about dovetailed into thought process’s, I forget where I know this from but it’s a real stat from a real study; what we think of while eating or masturbating is more strongly reinforced than what we think of during other activities (there’s a real percentage and real data and control data, I just don’t remember it well enough and I’m not going to make it up. It was part of my sex offender treatment and the basis of a few types of treatment, like aversion and masturbatory satiation — both dependent on disclosure and timing). Your thinking, um, usually I, um, people, think about sex during masturbation, don’t I, um, people?

I’ll answer that with a simple question; how much do you think about food while eating?

I suppose you might wonder what reinforced means too. I don’t know. We have thoughts that are idle thoughts and we have thoughts that we try to imagine as actions. With sex offenders, ones that have been caught and experimented on, at least once a deviant thought became a deviant action, likely hundreds of times. It’s like counting the number of times you’ve had sex by how many children you have.

And, anyway, this entry is about how I didn’t write that one or the really cool fiction one that might have been a flash or a short story or … I don’t know but it was this big and I wrassled it with a forty pound test before it finally slipped the hook and got away.

I also was going to praise my ENT, but, at the time, three whole days ago, I couldn’t imagine how to do that without bitching about my regular doctor. The Ent on the first visit gave me an anti-biotic sugar steroid thing and flo-nase. Two weeks later he asked how I was. I said good for ten days then the headaches and shit came back (the script was for six days). He explained how the pills were just jacking up the OTC Flonase stuff and he gave me two 7 day samples of a spray that did both. He gave me samples 1) because he is still tweaking his hypothesis 2) the stuff is new to the market and he doesn’t know how much a script costs and wants to make sure it’s right before spending my money.

Instead of ranting I’ll gently say, in three years my regular clinic did jack shit and I had to fight for a referral to the ENT and even so my regular doc did a quick ear nose throat thing and said nothing was wrong. I told him I didn’t need a referral, I just needed permission because the contract they have me on is a damn short leash.

Just saying I think the ENT took care of a three year long allergiy issue in what amounted to a full twenty minutes of his time spread over a month. I need to lose the other doc.

Ok, I’m caught up with the things I didn’t write and the beautiful, glorious, star spangled one that got away. Be nice to one another and don’t get any on ya.