_____than the human eye can see! in QUOTIDIEN

It was a beautiful, jacquard bedspread in smooth shades of gray, and highly muted gold. It was austere. I was going for serene, I think. But having come from a 31 year life of rumpled, down comforters, and suddenly finding myself in charge of my life, and my decisions, damn if I wasn’t going to get what I thought I wanted/needed.

When I moved, I traded in the king for a queen, but kept that bedspread for as long as I could take it.....about 8 months. Suddenly, the comfort I found in my color scheme was no longer a comfort. I didn’t think anything of it outside of how spoiled I’d obviously become, purchasing linens like there was no tomorrow.....but the change was necessary to preserve the place I’d come to appreciate as being my sanctuary. Gone are the grays, and present are the whites/browns/teals in huge splashy flowers and leaves. A bouquet of Gerber daisies in a variety of color adorns my nightstand, today - and when I walk into my room, I catch a glimpse of myself sporting elastic smiles that crease the corners of my eyes.

I share this because a few weeks ago, my daughter mentioned that I needed to start wearing more color. I’ve been a ‘neutral’ girl for a very, long time. My wardrobe never required much in the way of what my husband would have referred to as ‘fancy’, so I lived in jeans and t-shirts that were either too big or too small. The money necessary to follow my weight wasn’t justifiable - not even to make me feel better about myself. Priorities have changed, as have my circumstances (I manage money a little better than he did), so I began buying clothes. A pretty black and white dress, a black and burgundy dress, black jeans, black leather jacket, nicely fitting black pants, quality blouses and tank tops in muted colors....and SHOES! MY GOD! It wasn’t a conscious decision, this color scheme that I’d adopted. I didn’t THINK I was doing that mourning thing, but taking a step back, I can at least entertain the thought that I might have been doing just that. I spun out the threads of my grief into pretty patterns, but it was grief nonetheless. Slowly, I’m moving out of the sepia’s, and into some sort of emotional Spring…and I’m delighted.

With the promotion to the Security Access Control department came the freedom from the officer’s uniform, and steel-toed boots. My style now includes clothing that flows and drapes in colors that hadn’t adorned my body in, literally, decades.

Two weeks ago, the supervisor who was training me in that department was removed from the account. A few days later, his job was posted on the website. The interviewer for the position is my account manager. Though I have experience in security - have a good grasp of access control protocols, have acceptable people skills (I can be a bit blunt) and am well liked by the client, and I could easily be a supervisor applying wasn’t something I entertained because A) I just moved to that department less than 1 month ago, and am still learning the ropes, and B) if a guy who’d been there for more than a year could get yanked from the account ‘just like that’, how much easier would it be for me to follow him right out the door?

So when the account manager asked me if I’d applied for the supervisor position, I was a little shocked. Surely she knew I was too new. After all, she promoted me to my current position. Then again, this is the woman who doesn’t much care for me to begin with, and what a great way to watch me crash and burn. I gave her my reasons for not jumping at the position, but she came right back at me with a couple of facts. Because of the nature of this job, there will likely be very few experienced people applying - which means that whomever is hired for the job will likely have NO experience to speak of. I now have a working knowledge of both sides of Access Control, which makes me an ideal candidate.

I filled out the application online, but still didn’t hit send until this past Wednesday, when the third woman came in asking about the position. She was all of 23, fake eyelashes out to here (length of her nose), wagging her neck saying, “I can doodatt”. And that’s when it hit me - how it would piss me the hell off to have someone with no or very little experience in security and access control, coming all up into my space, and telling me I should ‘doodatt’. I raised my eyebrows, clicked ‘in private browsing’ on my computer, found my application, and hit SEND! Meanwhile, my co-worker began to chuckle, then flat-out guffawed. He later said that it was like watching a ‘fucking movie, MJ. I swear I heard every word you were thinking, and knew exactly what you were doing on your computer. JESUS, don’t ever take up poker - you’ll lose your ass!’

Micah, said co-worker, has been in ‘badging’ for a year, now - and has NO interest in the supervisor position. It’s something we’ve discussed at length.

The job would make me an Admin III, and will look good on a resume. It pays $2 more per hour, gives me a bit more vacation time....and a butt-load of responsibility. There’s nothing quite like looking up at the clock and thinking, ‘Oh hell…it’s 3pm already??’

Last updated July 24, 2015