Story Untold - could be TMI in QUOTIDIEN

So - Sunday was going as planned. Church, time with family, then relaxation after 6pm. Was on my computer, surfing the webz, putting off nature’s call for as long as I could. Finally, there was no denying the porcelain’s siren call. All went well, and I was back at my computer before I knew it.

After about 3 minutes, I experienced an urgent need for a repeat performance. I sat - I peed, and I wiped. Somewhere in amongst those three actions, an invisible demon shoved it’s pointed, hot-red-poker tail through the soft flesh just below my belly button. A quick wipe came away blood - reminiscent of menses past....except…that’s not where it was coming from. I peed blood some more, and the pain ratcheted up a few more notches. Clots. More blood. More pain. I managed to get myself to my car, and headed to the ER. Along the way, I contacted my nurse friend, who chastised me for driving myself. I could find absolutely no cause to argue her determination that I’d lost my fool head. Her place was on the way, and I stopped there. She took me the rest of the way to the ER.

“So - what’s going on, tonight?”

“I’m peeing blood, and I’m in excruciating pain.”

“Ooookay” She pointed in the direction of the bathroom, directing me to provide a sample. Only time I wished I had a penis of my own. Being in that much pain, and aiming for the small cup’s opening is a feat!

I washed my hands, then placed what looked like a gargantuan blood sample into the little space between the connecting doors. I heard the other little door open, then a sharp intake of breath. When I say I peed blood, it’s not an exaggeration. The stuff was coating the sides of the jar.

I was in CT scan within 30 minutes and discovered :drumroll please: kidney stoneS. STONES - plural. They were in my bladder, at this point, doing their damage as they bounced and rolled about inside a tender, fleshy pouch that has never known anything but fluid. Tramadol, morphine, more morphine, then Percocet before I was finally ahead of the pain.

I passed those bitches along with bloodied bits of of the lining of my bladder. My reward? A subsequent bladder infection.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen (If you’re still ready), my twat was totaled.