Depression Part 2 in New Diary

1 I am above the dirt. 2 I have a wonderful fiancé who cares about me. 3 I have a place to stay. 4 I have food to eat and clothes to wear. 5 I have money for the meds I need. 6 I have a new hearing aid. 7 I have phone, internet and cable. 8 I have good books to read. 9 I am in good physical health.

I have many blessings I have a lot of good things going for me. There is no reason why I should be depressed. But I do get depressed I get to feeling so sad. My head is filled with negative thoughts. I think I am a horrible, horrible person who deserves to be punished. I think I am a complete failure because when I get depressed I let myself and my apartment go down the tubes. I start thinking all kind of crazy thoughts that only cause severe depression. I don’t know why I feel like these are only some of the thoughts that go through my mind.

I have been in therapy and I learned that there are methods that I can use to refute these thoughts. One method is to use the Five Rational Questions against each negative thought. The Questions are 1 If I believe this thought to be true will it help me protect my life and health?. 2 Is the thought based on fact? 3 Is the thought helping me produce the feelings I want to have? 4 Is the thought helping me reach my goals? 5 Will thought help me minimize conflict? I can apply each thought to these questions and if I get an honest no answer then the thought is irrational and I should replace it with a rational thought.

For example, I keep thinking that I am a horrible man. Is this thought based on fact? No I am not a horrible person. I do not hurt people. I do not commit crimes. I do not lie cheat or steal. I live within my means and do not have creditors harassing me. I am faithful and loving. I’m not saying I am perfect I have my faults But nobody on earth is perfect. I am a fallible human being . with problems

This thought will not help me protect my health and life. It is contributing to depression. If it goes on unchecked it will lead to suicidal thoughts and I will end up in a hospital down state. It is not helping me feel the way I want to feel I surely do not want to be depressed and miserable. It is not helping me reach my goals which are to keep up with personal hygiene and keep my apartment clean. It is not helping me at all . This thought is completely irrational .

Need to practice this and keep reminding myself of this rational fact.

I know all this. Going over this has helped me. Got to practice is until I get it down. This will definitely help but I think my biggest problem is the meds are not working. I need to see my doctor. Problem is I’ve seen the doctor already and he has not made any changes to my med. I don’t see him for another two months He is booked up until then. But I can still do things that will help me. I can do the five rational questions, remind myself of the positives, set daily goals for myself I can pull through this.

One other thing I have going for me. I just got a call from an agency from Moundsville. I will be getting some much needed help with my apartment. They are coming tomorrow and will do an assessment and paper work. This will be a big load off my mind. Case manager from Healthways has set it up for me. I am one lucky man.

Last updated July 22, 2015