wow. and it just got real./nice people scare me in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

this is from yesterday of course. er last night:

‘so jared & them are over. I just had dinner w/ them. well. I was in the kitchen w/ jared [steph’s son in law] and 2 of the guys [steph’s other client and a client of Jared’s]. they’re all really nice people but in a weird way that’s the issue I have w/ them. being around in the same room as that much nice-ness scares me. and then I get uncomfortable.

the last time I went out of my room when they were here was I think before Christopher. um. left. and........being around them it. it brought that all back. idk how to further that or maybe this makes perfect sense. and Christopher’s parents are really nice. it brought emotions up I’ve been avoiding.

my anxiety got to a 4, 5 when I was out there. but I think I did well. when it increased even more i’m like ok i’m done w/ dinner. I put the remaining rice away and then went to my room. too many people and too many emotions. all at once. I was only out there for 20 mins. but I thought I did well. I sat there ate my rice talked to jared a bit.

I’ve probably mentioned this before. i’m an introvert. and people who are really understand what that means. people who aren’t do too. no nothing against extroverts it’s just not me’