I am the fucked up one in The OpenDiary (OD) Days!

OD entry title: I am the fucked-up one
OD URL: http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D260587&entry=10201

Hmmm I’ve realised I really am fucked in the head lately. Relationship-wise, with everything that’s been going on, I am the one with the problems, not anyone else. Oh well. It’s kinda depressing feeling like you’re at a dead-end when it comes to dating guys, but I think I’ve felt like this before, maybe not quite to this extent, and time heals all wounds, so to speak.
I hung out with Billy on Tuesday night. It was a lotta fun! I always love hanging out with Billy and we’ve gotten a lot closer since high school. We had dinner at The Brewhouse (Bill’s recommendation) where I had a rump steak and veges and salad with mushroom sauce - gee it was so delicious! Not a bad price either. Although I think a beer would’ve cost less than the coke I ordered did haha. We ate dinner there and talked about all sorts of stuff, reminisced on high school and I heard some funny stories that Bill got up to with his best mate Sean. After the brewhouse we went to the pool place we’d gone to the last time we hung out. There was this nice Asian chick behind the counter this time, and we opted to go for the big pool table. God I had some flukey shots, although my game was pretty pathetic that night haha. Billy creamed my ass - oh wait that didn’t sound good - Bill kicked my ass, 3 games to 1, and I only won the last game because he nicely pocketed one of my balls - oh boy I should just give up, shouldn’t i? lol! Probably freaking the poor guy out. Anyway check out his blog, he may have even written about the night, or maybe something completely different, who knows, I haven’t read it yet. Bill ordered three VB’s, and I managed to drink one of them, despite me not really being a fan of the bitter taste of beer. But it either made my game good or bad haha. Couldn’t decide. I did pull off a few flukey shots though, but Bill had the game in his pocket from the first ball I reckon.

After the pool hall we were tryna decide what to do. I ended up going back to his place, to check it out, and at least I know where he lives now. Well I kinda do, if I could remember how to get there. I could probably remember if I caught the city-cat, as I’ve been to that terminal before when I got lost once. We were gunna catch the city-cat there but realized we’d just missed it. I had my camera there so we took some photo’s. Bill spotted some cute possums which I was trying to get a photo of, but I wasn’t quite quick enough. So I got a few blurred photos of us two anyway - one of the streetlights was right behind the photo.

And the one of me I spose I should put up too. [couldn’t find image] But I’m just saying if you want more interesting photo’s, go back an entry LOL…

We ended up walking to West End and Bill flagged down a taxi once we were there. A short trip later we arrived at Bill’s house. I met one of Bill’s housemate’s, who was cool, and I got the grand-tour lol. We ended up playing Trivial Pursuit but we both only got to have two pieces in our playing thingies (lol I dunno what they are called) before I realised I had to go to catch transport to catch my last train home. My cab driver was a pretty nice guy. A $10 trip later I arrived at Southbank station, where I waited about 12 minutes for the next train, and when I got off at Central, I ran and JUST made my Caboolture train as the doors closed behind me, and I was on my way home. Gee talk about great timing - I just made it!

Luke messaged me on the way home. He finally broke the ice and spoke to me. He was in Brisbane cos he’d been at the cricket match at the GABBA. He ended up calling me, and he was upset, and I didn’t want him to drive all the way back to Toowoomba in the condition he was in, so I offered him to come over. He stayed the night. It was strange in the way that from someone who wasn’t going to talk to me, here he was in the same bed as me. Not that he had a choice. It was good to see him anyway and we had a lotta fun playing around being silly. I got to sleep at some ridiculous hour, and woke up with about 2 hours to spare before I started work. Luke drove home today. I’m not sure if he’s going to speak to me, but all I want is for us to be normal friends, and be the way we used to be. Not have this…confusing barrier between our normal conversation and feelings. I guess it will take time. I know I am the fucked up one. Just for now. I’ll find a way out of it.

OD Notes:
Thu, 19 Jan 2006 0:00:00 GMT

Nesstwy.
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D452870
Wed, 18 Jan 2006 5:24:51 PM GMT
Things will return to normal, ‘cause you’ll find a way to deal with it. This is all just a phase, temporary, there’s a deep bond between you two.

First note, I think.

And hey, cute pictures, I love the way your city looks.

Nesstwy.
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D452870
Wed, 18 Jan 2006 5:36:06 PM GMT
oh, and the way you look, too, durh. so tall. so cute.

=D

Rachel Erin
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D496736
Wed, 18 Jan 2006 5:43:14 PM GMT
You’re not the screwed up one. And it kinda bothers me that you think that. Luke is putting a lot of these thoughts and feelings in your head. Luke is the one who didn’t want to be in a relationship and Luke wasn’t sure what he wanted. Granted, both of you didn’t know what you wanted and you weren’t always communicating great, but it takes two people to have a relationship, not just one.

C-Dub85
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D564075
Wed, 18 Jan 2006 5:55:47 PM GMT
Dude, you are so far from being the f*cked up one that I can’t even believe that you would feel that way. You have done everything you could to be a good friend. You have an amazing, compassionate heart that only adds to the beauty of your overall existence. Never put yourself down again my friend. You are too good for that! Take care!

mobyduck
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D570231
Wed, 18 Jan 2006 6:21:11 PM GMT
Luke’s upset but you don’t say why. I still think he wanted and still wants you to ask him to come back to Brisbane. That he wanted you to ask him not to go in the first place. Of course it doesn’t help that he quit his job. Why would he do that if he wasn’t serious? Maybe he regrets doing that? That’s all I can think of. Be there as much as you can but there’s only so much you can do for him.

Mt.Handsomepants
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A775765
Wed, 18 Jan 2006 7:17:51 PM GMT
Baby, you always look good in your pictures.

LoneStarLostBoy
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D142162
Wed, 18 Jan 2006 9:00:20 PM GMT
I for one don’t think you are the fvcked up one. Just sometimes takes a bit to catch our stride.

LegallyGay80
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D385876
Wed, 18 Jan 2006 9:03:38 PM GMT
oh, luke…

that’s a good pic, btw, although too blurry unfortunately.

tisk
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D505272
Wed, 18 Jan 2006 9:21:22 PM GMT
Fcuked up would of been the last thing to call you, you’re the most normal person I have had the pleasure to read about, plus we’re australians, tough as a didgeridoo mate.

Know it when I say: you.are.doing.great. :)

alwayssomeguy
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=B434706
Wed, 18 Jan 2006 11:22:50 PM GMT
So cute…how are things down under =)

Mt.Handsomepants
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A775765
Wed, 18 Jan 2006 2:19:33 AM GMT
it was supposed to be Mr.handsomepants…btw, am I not handsome???be honest…cause I know all your secrets…

The_Blind_Archer
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=B430834
Thu, 19 Jan 2006 8:16:12 AM GMT
Yeah the possums were so cute!

It might have been me or you trying to hide your boredom with trivial pursuit haha, but you did seem to have stuff on your mind. I guess the Luke thing.

Why was he too upset to drive home?

Anyway, it was good to see you.

innocent_angel01
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D541384
Thu, 19 Jan 2006 2:57:56 PM GMT
sweety you’re not fuked up you’re just hurting and that is totally understandable! i know i haven’t been there for you enough lately and for that i’m truly sorry and i hope you can forgive me! remember in God’s eyes your beautiful just the way you are and thats how i see you as well. you will heal with time and i’ll be there for you as much as i can i wuv wu matty moo! take care sweety luv kristy

mikeysjack
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D144543
Thu, 19 Jan 2006 3:19:32 PM GMT
You’re not fvcked up, Matt. You are nice, considerate, patient, and charming. If that’s fvcked up, then hand that to me and I’ll be fvcked up any day!

Smiles,

Jack

Agent #2
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D531284
Sun, 22 Jan 2006 8:51:51 AM GMT
aw, bill’s such a cutie. u’re a cutie too, but oh that billy! ;) sigh he he

take care:

Last updated July 13, 2015