Cooking / Community / Parenting / Cheesy Mo in Days of My Destiny

L is on afternoon shift. This shift works best for me because even though I go to bed without him, I wake up with him beside me!!! (On Nights, I go to bed and wake up without him.) Also, I get to spend a little bit of the day with him and he's well-rested and we chat and hang out before he goes to work. Tomorrow though, he is leaving at 10am to do pre-shift overtime, and same as the next day. I'll miss him, but I know I can do this. I've been getting along really well with the girls and I've been PRESENT a lot more, and INTERACTING and SPENDING TIME with them, rather than expecting them to entertain themselves and play together nicely all the time - a trap I fall into from time to time. (I need to remember that although that age gap is closing in leaps and bounds, they are still little, for starters, and they still will need Me.) So tonight after bedtime I decided to make L some sandwiches for his extra long day tomorrow plus cook him dinner. Usually he makes his own sandwiches or takes leftovers, but I like to do these special little extras for him when he does the overtime, because it is a sacrifice and I know he has less time and it's just one more way to show him that I love him and am thinking of him. Tonight I made him a Thai beef stir-fry and cooked rice myself rather than chucking it in the lazy old rice cooker! (It's just not the same!!!!!)

I'm singing at the Christmas Carols at the Park this year. I was asked a few months ago by a lady I know, and I accepted right away - I mean hello, I love singing!!!!! She only asked because she'd heard me sing at church. I've started taking food along to church too, whenever I go. I think we've been going too long now NOT to, lol. I usually try to take fresh fruit, as the old ladies have got the cakes and slices covered! Last week I took this easy-to-bake bruschetta/bread thing. Anyway last week, Bill, who is the guy who stands at the front of the church and makes the announcements etc etc, he asked me to lead the prayers in a fortnight's time. The prayers have structure and so he's asked me to read the prayers and also add in whatever comes to mind at the time. I'm happy to do it, just for the sake of getting a bit involved. I'd already told him a few weeks ago that I'd like to be put on next year's roster for the Bible Reading that happens just before the sermon. Anyway, after I accepted to do the prayers, I realised that my friend T is going to be here that weekend. I wandered if I should cancel on the prayers, seeing as I'm already taking T to a christening the day before and I thought... maybe asking her to ALSO come along with me would be a bit much. But I've decided I will not back down on this, it's an important thing to me and I do WANT to do it, and it's also a way of making God a priority. I will simply tell T about it without expecting her to come at all (I mean I've known her for 12 years now), but if she does for any reason (and the reason would be just for something to do), then that's that.

Speaking of being involved in the community, I was hoping to maybe perform at next year's Drover's Campfire, which goes for a weekend in April. I had no idea what, but it would definitely have to do with singing. Anyhow I spoke to Jo, who is one of the main ladies who organises it and does things over the whole weekend (she works at the post office). I told her that I was interested in doing something for the Drover's Campfire next year. She straight away said, "What, helping?" with this hopeful look in her face. I immediately decided, then and there, yes, for helping. So I've put my hand up! I did tell her that I was thinking of maybe singing or something, but that if it's help they need, then to put my name down. So that felt good, and you know what, she looked SOOOO happy when I said that. Happy and relieved, a bit like, "Oh good, you're not just here to make your money and leave," kind of thing, lol. She probably didn't think it, but maybe she did!

I've stuffed the hairdresser around a bit, though. I went in a while ago, wanting to get my hair done and stupidly booked a day and time before enquiring on a rough price for what I wanted. Well the price was through the roof and I wandered if she was ripping me off due to my status from my husband's job (you just never know around here). I cancelled the booking and walked out, telling her I'd think about it and get back to her. I rang three other hairdressers in the next town and turns out her price was spot-on. I felt stupid for not trusting her in that sense, but oh well, it happened, and anyway by then I was feeling like I'd rather keep my own hair than spend that kind of money on something that will grow out in a month anyway. As it happens, the hairdresser's is where you go for a massage too, so I went in one day after my shoulder froze on me and enquired about the price. I was happy with the price but didn't know when I was free and I told her I'd get back to her over the phone. I rang back to book a day, only to be told that the massage therapist doesn't come on the day I was after, and the days she IS available didn't suit me for that following week. And then I just never got back to her, because my shoulder got better with some home treatment and I was also feeling emotionally better. So anyway...... the hairdresser also sells clothes in her shop, and she puts on Fashion Shows throughout the year to showcase the new seasons or to raise money for charity and so on. Well just last week she had a fashion show and people got actual invites, and I didn't get one. I have no idea if it's got to do with the fact that I've been farting around as a potential then non-customer, or if maybe I wouldn't have got one anyway.

M has intensive swimming at school this week and the next. Basically they go swimming everyday for the two weeks. Last night she prayed and asked God to help her not be scared of going. She has private lessons three times a week, but she obviously has her own ideas of what swimming with the school might be like. This morning she woke feeling anxious and she was begging me to go to the pool with her. We talked about how the teachers will keep her SAFE, because they care about all of their students. We talked about being brave, and how being brave doesn't mean you can't feel scared, rather, it means that you acknowledge your feelings, and with those feelings, you put your head up and try a new thing. We also talked about how she can talk to the teachers about how she's feeling closer to the time and that they won't ridicule her. We talked about which teacher she might feel comfortable approaching with this. Turned out the thing she was fearing the most was the possibility of having to be in the pool by herself. It took a long time to settle her, my poor little baby, and in the end I told her I would write her teacher a letter explaining how she was feeling. She settled greatly after that and when we left home for school, she even asked to make sure that I had the letter on me. Poor, poor, baby..... I can remember being TERRIFIED of having to hop in. I remember the feelings of overwhelm and terror at having to try to float, or to have to just be in that expanse of water all around me, "knowing" it could swallow me whole at any minute and show no mercy. At one point this morning I was holding her to comfort her, and it was so hard not to break down myself!!!!!! I was also really glad that I had her in my early twenties, because it means that there are lots of things she goes through that are still a relatively fresh memory in my own mind.

L had his work Christmas party on the weekend. I didn't go because the girls (well, M) didn't feel comfortable at the thought of having the babysitter with them at bedtime. L and I were totally fine with this feedback and confident in our decision for me to stay home with my babies. I was more than happy to, I mean, hello it's JUST a Christmas party! I mentioned this to Adele when I saw her (she saw him leaving and was asking why I wasn't going), and she said, ".................... they probably would've been right, you know." I said, "Yeah..... probably." And that was it.

It annoyed me that she should even say that. Firstly, these are MY children, and I am parenting them for THEM, not for you. I am parenting them in a way that makes them feel SAFE and ABLE to tell me how they feel, KNOWING I will be there for them. Who the fuck are you to try to lessen the importance of what I am doing here? Do I criticise the way YOU parent?

Why do parents do that? Why can't we all just agree to disagree if we have to, but still be in this TOGETHER, as a TEAM?

And anyway as L pointed out to me later when I told him about it, a true friend wouldn't do that.

It's like...... I don't care if you think I'm a pushover, or weak, for the decision I made, I'm not YOUR mum, I'm not your childrens' mum. I'm the mother of MY children, and therefore, whatever you think about the matter has no say at all whatsoever. What, you had MY BEST INTERESTS in mind when you said that? Really?

People are just ridiculous.

Anyway, so he had a really good time. He's been growing a handle-bars moustache for Movember and it's quite thick by now. So he wore jeans, boots, an aqua collared shirt and a leather jacket, lol. With the mo, ANYTHING looks cheesy! He got told yesterday that at around 2 in the morning, he decided it was a good idea to wear his sunnies, LMAO, so there he was, with his cheesy mo and his sunnies, hahahahahaha. Funny guy. Anyway I was SO GLAD I didn't go even for my OWN sake. L messaged me at around 10:30 letting me know that although he was having a good time, I would've been bored by then already.

sigh of relief