"TO THE OWNER OF RAMADAN (2)" in "RESTLESS: POETICALLY-SPEAKING"

I’ve been away too long
I’ve done too many things wrong
Where do I begin?
How will my story end?
How did it all come to this?
I’ve been blinded by the worldly bliss

I’ve been led astray
I hope I’m not worsening by the day
Do I still deserve another chance,
or will this become my final stance?
I am slowly being consumed by creeping fear, ‘though I rarely show my tears?

This is supposed to be my time for repentance,
yet I keep letting myself be occupied by distractions
God, will you ever forgive me,
even though I can never be holy?
For way too long, I’ve wasted my precious time
a whole lot more than spending my dime

Will you grant me another Ramadan?
Please, don’t tell me that I am done
My same old weaknesses are inexcusable
and I’m tired of causing my own troubles
Don’t tell me my chances are over
or I might never become better than before

Please forgive me, The Almighty of This Universe
Don’t let me die under Your Curse
I’m just a speck of many on this horizon,
but please, don’t let me be gone
I am as forever helpless as You Always See,
hanging on to Your Forgiveness and Mercy…

R.
(Jakarta, 11/7/2015 - 3:35 pm)