Never did hear back. in Since OD is shutting down....

I still haven’t heard anything about my job so if I don’t by tomorrow, I’m going to know that I’m officially done. I really don’t want to be but if it’s my fate, then so be it. I’m pissed that I’ve been blown off for days now and left to sweat it out over the holiday. I’ve had a couple of people interested in me to babysit for them so I may have to go that route until I find something else. I plan to get some applications out there tomorrow too.

Money is already becoming tight and I’ve been thinking about maxing out my credit cards to pay off my car because if anything happens, I want to know that I’m going to still have that. I just don’t know what I’m going to do but I really wish they would contact me and let me know what’s going on. I’m really over wondering and freaking out. I’m so pissed that it’s been on my mind all weekend and it was hard to have fun knowing that life could get really shitty for me if I don’t have a job.

I told the GM of the motel I wasn’t coming back. I just said there’s no way I can live on $9/hr part time and I don’t want to work every weekend. She said “best of luck to you” and that’s just fine. Now I just have to wonder when I will get my paycheck. I just can’t have a work place filled with negativity and drama because life is just way too fucking short for that and I want to feel comfortable with the people I work with. If they will come to me to stab others in the back then I have to wonder what will be said about me when I’m not around.

If anything, I’m just going to spend the week putting out applications and trying to get my head straight. I have enough in the bank for one more car payment so I must figure something out hella quick. I am just so tired because I don’t sleep anymore and when I do, I toss and turn. It hasn’t completely hit me yet that I may not have my job anymore and I’m going to have to be somewhere for shit wages and no tips. I’m scared that no matter what job gets offered, it’s not going to pay enough hourly to cover everything. I’m just worried like a motherfucker.

It’s just crazy how fast things can change. Just a few days ago I would have never thought that things would be where they are now. I am honestly just worried sick but I’m just hoping I’ll find something in the next day or two or I’ll hear from someone and get my ass back to work tomorrow. Even if I do get to go back, I don’t plan to be there much longer because they’ve shown me they don’t really care about me and aren’t worried about letting me know what’s going on.

It’s annoying how I’ve had some days off but didn’t get to enjoy it at all. I’m annoyed that I’m by myself to figure everything out. I’m scared worrying about losing everything I’ve worked so hard for. I wish my parents were normal people that I could just live with and not have all these bills but that’s not an option. I’m just fucking trapped.

I plan to get a shit ton of applications put in tomorrow and hope something comes along or else I’m going to be in a world of shit.

I’m just worried that I’m never going to be in a job that I’ll be able to advance, be appreciated and make enough to afford a better life for myself. I’m scared to death that I’m always going to run back to jobs where I make tips. I’m honestly just scared about everything.

Something’s gotta give. It’s crazy that I’ve worked so hard to be this poor. I can’t afford anything. I’m upset that I haven’t ever gotten to take a vacation because I couldn’t afford to lose the money and now that I’ve been off for a few days it’s just because I don’t know if I still have a job or not. It’s a cruel fucking joke. I just wish I knew what the answer is.

Anyways, I’m going to just lay here and get sleepy so I can pass out. Tomorrow is a new day and I plan to make the best of it.