fine. you win. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

omygod.

so........I...........idk.

I thought today was going to go better. I thought what happened last night would matter. ya know. ever since um tues. I’ve been trying to be nice to steph. to not argue w/ her. and so far I haven’t. but I guess that doesn’t get to be acknowledged or at least not brought up. even if it is something I should already be doing. it should still be acknowledged. cause before tues. I wasn’t. even something like ‘I’ve noticed you’ve been nicer to me and I like that’. yeah but no. that to me is being nice to someone.

right now. i’m working on the weight thing. that to me is the biggest thing. gaining the right amount of weight [I won’t put how much] for them. so that when they weigh me on Mon. it’s an ok weight. and that’s a lot for me. so i’m sorry if I don’t remember everything else the way I should. or do everything in the right order. like I don’t clean my plate when i’m done w/ the burrito. and I should’ve when I was done and I knew that. yes it’s occurred to me to use paper plates but what hadn’t occurred to me is that if I don’t clean my plate and they don’t think it can be salvaged i’ll use paper plates. apparently. which I don’t have a problem w/. I just have a problem w/ them not doing it themselves let’s just be honest.

yeah but. they shouldn’t have to do that. yes it’s their plate i’m eating off of. but i’m the one eating off of it. I just don’t want to do the work. esp. if someone asks me to. which doesn’t even make sense cause they haven’t. actually. but part of it is i’m so bothered by them that. it’s my way of getting back at them.

no the plate could’ve been saved. but had I brought that up they would’ve been like ‘well why didn’t you do that then?’ and I wouldn’t’ve told them. so that wouldn’t’ve helped anyone. no what I mean by it could’ve been saved is ‘well it’s your plate so you do it’. I say i’m tired of doing the work and yet. they put in more than I do. so that doesn’t make sense either. it’s not even what i’m doing. it’s the amount of........no. it’s again A: my way of getting back at them and 2: when they do ask doing it bc someone asks. but mainly A.

fine. i’ll do it their way then. they win. [it’s weird that this bothers me when as put I don’t have a problem w/ eating off paper plates. no it’s how it was put that Jennifer was upset w/ me. and she was also letting me know. and she should be upset w/ me. i’m terrible to people sometimes. yes i’m contributing to her emotions but she’s the one choosing to be upset].

and the other thing. the milk thing. I have a habit of not drinking all the milk that’s in my cup. regardless of where I am. I don’t like things being empty. like that’s why I don’t read the last hundred pages of a book. and yes it’s their milk and they’re the ones buying it. so I should be more respectful inthat regard. and other. regards. but my point is it’s not like that’s a new thing. and for me it’s like well i’m not the one buying it I don’t care. and even if I was buying it. it’d still be the same. it’s just how I am. and I think if I don’t stop that [which I won’t. and it’s not even w/ milk. it’s any liquid. you want me to finish something put it in a shot glass] then I won’t have milk. well but see that won’t really do much for me since I don’t like milk. I only drink it for the protein [actually other things have more protein but ya know. every little bit helps. w/e you can do to help]. [well the other reason I drink it is self destructive purposes. which I won’t put]. the only thing that would change if I bought my own milk is. i’d obviously be the one buying it. it wouldn’t change my level of caring.