Some More Thoughts in meh...

When I think about my daughter, I still think of her in the vein of me being a failure as a parent. It has taken time for me to not be embarrassed about becoming a grandmother at an early age. I don’t and have never shamed her about it, although from time to time, I did have to remind her that her being conniving is what got us both here so she had better watch herself with me.

The limbs I go out on. For her, for others, it would be nice if someone were thoughtful enough to go above and beyond for me the way I do for them. People do for me what they want,still not what I want, but that’s my fault for not exposing myself to anyone.

I’m still thinking of my friend. They took him then and there. No furlough, no see you later. It was probably best I wasn’t there. My reaction would have probably been epic. My sweet blue eyed baby doll…

I’ve not been feeling well. Nauseous for no reason. I was about to eat some proscuitto but noticed something about it I couldn’t quite stomach so I stopped and trashed it. Didn’t eat anything after that but I drank some peach brandy and apple juice. I was going to cook but my son half washed all the dishes. I was so disappointed. At about 8:30 I went to bed. Had two phone calls and fell asleep close to 10.

Weight of the world rests on my shoulders so it feels like. Too many things happening at once and I can’t find my voice it seems to unload how I feel.

Maybe that’s the problem…