ya know. just cause we know better. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

this is again from june 21:

‘doesn’t mean we do better. I certainly don’t.

I know. I shouldn’t be doing these things to steph. when she’s a perfectly nice person [yes which is the problem. but that’s not the point of this entry] and does all she can.
but a part of me can’t help it. I like chaos. well rather. I like the idea of it. once i’m there. well I still like it. and I don’t think she does. she’s told me she doesn’t like being angry. and I do. I like the power it gives. and I feel like I use the ‘I can’t help it’ part as an excuse. but maybe it is maybe it’s a perfectly valid one. but another part of me is like. well maybe I might be able to if I really tried. and I don’t want to try. i’m not reallt that bothered by the fact that I like creating chaos. so you know. I don’t want to analyse it. in order towork through it.

so back to my original point. but we’re not able to do better until we know to. doesn’t mean it always happens. like today. she was telling me why jenn was upset about the bag check thing the other day. ok firstoff I know why she was. [but i’ll let steph think otherwise. just so we don’t have to have a 5 - 10 min. talk on that]. and bc I knew to do better. doesn’t mean I was going to.

I guess that’s really my only point.

well. and er. this isn’t relevant but............well it kindof is. ok so steph puts in more effort than ido. and I really wish she wouldn’t. I wish people in general wouldn’t when it comes tome. my emotions dr as I call her doesn’t and thank god. it’s so great. ‘