no. we're still going to do it my way. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

this is from june 19th:

‘So, I have bag checks at my house. for me. I’ve had them for awhile. and ya know that’s fine. I also know that they’re done by whoever’s at the house when I get back.
so I know all that.

well here’s the thing. I don’t like steph so much to the point where I don’t want her involved. emotionally or otherwise. no. I don’t want her to know about me. so she doesn’t. i’ll let others know about me. [unless they pass on what they know to steph in which case I won’t].
yeah so when I came back from being out w/ my mentor. steph as usual asked questions. and I didn’t want to talk [well it’s not often I want to talk to her] and so she stopped. well good. i’m glad she stopped. we didn’t do bag checks cause I wanted to wait for jenn. and steph let me. and she probably shouldn’t’ve. honestly. but she knows that not letting me doesn’t get us anywhere, so. no point to her trying. and so when jenn came back I just said ‘hi’ and she’s like ‘we’re not playing this game anymore’. yeah well maybe you’re not. but I like games. and playing them. it keeps me satisfied. and confident. and I like being that person. and jenn’s like ‘even if you refuse her’ which i’m apparently still allowed to do. for now ‘you will sit here until it gets done’. we can do it the easy way or the hard way but it’ll get done. and I choose the hard way. no I know it’ll get done that’s not the issue.
so long as it’s not steph i’ll let anyone else do the bag checks.
[actually since i’ll make exceptions for jenn but not steph I probably will let steph do the bag checks. for jenn. to appease her. not steph. damnit. I wonder if this is heir way of keeping me compliant. of being like ‘oh we know she’ll listen to jenn so we’ll use that’. it might not be but even if it isn’t I don’t want to believe that. or it might be. I don’t want to believe people are as good or as unselfish as they say they are. and yet at the same time I see the best in people].
yeah so that happened w/I the last 20 mins. ‘