so apparently there's going to be a service. *PTSD/SA/death8 in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

for Christopher. I don’t know when Stephanie hasn’t told me I don’t think she knows when. but i’m invited.

I don’t know if i’ll go. I mean I didn’t know him that well and I dn’t want to goo and be sad that he’s gone when well honestly a part of me isn’t.

i’m really into greek mythology. also I love it. so in one story orchis apparently trried to re a priestess. and then turned into an orchid. and I like that idea ya know? um. it’s like oh there’s finally justice.
and the n someone came and crushed that orchid. the ‘orchid’ being the person who commited the..........the act. [I personally like orchids. but i’m jus sayin for the sake of metaphors]. Christopher didn’t do ‘that’ [well far as I know. but I didn’t know what he did and didn’t do before I knew him. but when I met him he wasn’t able to do anything himself, so]. but his. his dth still feels like justice to me.

he had. been in a car accident when he was 14 [he turned 30 back in nov.] which left him w/ TBI and um. muscle atrophy I think that’s the one. which ended up doing him in. and we all knew it would one day.

I know the TBI isn’t his fault. but it’s what came of it that I don’t like. the verbal abuse. and I feel like again being understanding about it would. be akin to making excuse. like oh it’s ok. he has TBI. kindof like it’s ok for him to do that. and it’s not. I’ve done similar things though not to that level. i’m not proud of it and I know I shouldn’t’ve.

the other reason. i’m thinking of not going to the service. is cause I don’t want to be sad around steph. I won’t let her in. and i’ll leave it there for this entry.