so today. nothing happened. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

‘a good day. for me is when steph & I don’t talk. and today so far we haven’t. it’s been nice.

so today. like I put nothing happened. except I haven’t eaten yet. I don’t at my house during the day. unless it’s like fruit/something I don’t microwave. bc i’m self conscious. my sister’s the only one who knows this. and she’s not involved in the circle. and for once she’s not involved. cause maybe it’s not her responsibility to be. [and actually it’s probably nto]. i’m mentioning this bc since she’s not involved she won’t tell them. [well she might tell our mom I don’t entirely trust that she won’t].

we don’t have enough room in the kitchen for me or anyone else to have all the food in there I want. and we [well steph and jenn. they] moved the food from the food closet [where I was going to have a shelf] to put the knives in there. thanks. I don’t care about my safety all that much. they’re afraid i’ll cut. omygod. I haven’t in 2 yrs. I know their side of it, so. don’t need to be told. I’ve wanted to cut but they don’t need to know that. I don’t want them involved in that. they’d just get more well involved. so yeah that’s what happened to the food closet. which I think had more room in it for my stuff.

we have room in the basement. but I don’t like going up and down the stairs for anything. which of course means i’m making things harder for myself. which is the point. it’s what I do. oh I mean we have room in the basement were I to have food down there. I think. maybe. I’ve thought of keeping it in my room where I have well room. but they don’t want me having food in my room. [which is funny cause as i’m typing this I actually have a cookie in here. I’ve had it in here since yesterday].
see this is why I never do anything about anything. cause then another problem creeps up.

they offered me mcallister’s [it’s a sandwich place for those who don’t know] but I didn’t want anything from there. it reminds me of jessicamy mentor before alexis. and all that happened. and really that’s something i’m avoiding until i’m ready to think about it [more]. that’s one reason the poster and grocery bag she [Jessica I mean not alexis] gave me are in my closet. I don’t believe in getting rid of things. cause then you have that deletion that permanence. and I don’t like that. once something’s gone it’s gone. a lot of people would be like ‘well if it makes you sad why do you keep it?’ well that’s exactly why. bc it makes me sad. I want to be the kindof person I relate to. ya know?’ actually maybe you don’t know.