stephanie/things at the house update thing in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

the other. major part of my life right now. as usual I don’t want advice just updating.

omfg. Stephanie she’s. the same as she always is pushy and bubbly and too damn happy and. not t all low key. even when i’m in my room and she’s in the living room and I hear her talk it annoys me. not her voice just how she is. she’s so nice to everyone and so friendly. and it’s hard to be an introvert around someone like that. [i’m sorry but this has been really bugging the hell out of me for awhile]. no. I don’t want. to talk to people.
yeah so I hate repeating myself. i’ll do it if you ask but I hate doing it. which is why i’m always hesitant to ask others to do it cause I always think they’ll ask me. [this is also why when someone says something and i’m not listening i’m just like ‘ok’]. i’d rather say something a different way than repeat myself.
so the other day I was in the kitchen. and kris prior to me coming out of my room told me there was corn for me. and so I was talking to myself wondering where it was until I saw it. steph thought I was talking to someone else. I don’t want to detail what I said but when she asked what i’d said I repeated myself quite firmly. I’ve had to do this w/ the bus people too. once I even hung up on the lady it bothered me so much. see this is why I prefer reading/typing. cause if you don’t get something you don’t have to ask the other person. maybe if everyone just wroteeverything......yeah i’d like that i’d be ok w/ that. and so since that happened I’ve learned that not to talk to myself when i’m around steph.
ok so i’m in my room eating and steph comes in and she explains her feelings which she’s allowed to do. and then she goes on to ask about mine. or something. I start to tell her and then i’m like ‘no’. and she’s like ‘cmon you can do it’. ok lady i’m not 12. when other people do that [not that it often happens]. er if they were to I mean] it probably wouldn’t bother me. if it’s clear I won’t open up to you then don’t waste your or my time. if I don’t want to talk then go the fuk away. omygod. that lady.
it’s taxing being around her. holy crap no wonder i’m always so tired. ya know. I don’t want her to be happy. bc I can’t stand her when she is. I find it hard to believe anyone can be that naturally happy. well turns out she’s not. but she doesn’t want anyone to pity her [which A: I get and 2: it’s funny cause she’ll pity others. not a whole lot. like she won’t go on and on about it but she will]. also I don’t relate to people like that. which there’s nothing wrong w/. this is why I prefer jenn. jenn’s awesome. jenn’s low key. jenn’s a bit put out w/ me right now but that comes in another entry.
everyone’s like [well presumably] ‘oh Stephanie’s so nice’. yes and that’s the problem. I have w/ her. is she’s too nice. like she wont argue w/ me like a normal person would. and maybe she’s not actually allowed to bc of her job. but it makes me think there’s something wrong. it feels fake.
i’m not a big emotional talker. like i’m a v. wordy person and I think about grammar and words and their usage a lot. like a lot. but I don’t talk about my emotions usually. I blog about them. which is fine. some people talk about them and that’s also fine. but steph wants me to talk about them. and that’s not who I am. esp. not to her. and it’s not cause she’s done anything to me it’s simply cause I don’t want her to know me [which is why I’ve not told her this]. I don’t want her to get it. I have no problems w/ helping others understand [well unless they pass that on to her in which case no. ya know which is sad cause it stops me from talking to like. my mom about stuff. we’re not like. super outwardly expressive people either of us. well unless she’s angry. growing up she pretty much had one emotion and it was that. er I mean when I was growing up]. and another reason I do things steph doesn’t like is so. i’ll feel like i’m around an actual person. it’s like oh thank god. someone I can relate to. and then I feel less empty less. alone. and so no I don’t feel bad [although I probably should] when I do something steph’s put out by. no I actually feel relieved. an she’s just so damn clingy too. [which i won’t get into right now bc holy crap it’d just bother me more. but ya know. clingy isn’t a good color on anyone].
this is why i’m not big on dogs. I don’t not. like them but I don’t. prefer them. I love cats however. [i sure go on about what i don’t like]. some people love them and that’s ok. but they’re a lot sometimes. [I also don’t have the patience for them. Lexi one of the dogs we have she’s only like 1. and she’s always right there and in the way. and I tell her that too. i’m like ‘go away’ or ‘really?’. i’m not like. mean to her but i’m not supernice to her either. and she’s a big dog too. she’s a dutch shepherd. i’m afraid one of these days she’ll knock me down. even if I know why dogs/people are the way they are and I remember that i’m not understanding about it. wow well that’s not a good color on me.].
the way I feel about steph is the way I feel about my dad. except. I don’t resent steph which is probably good. I’ve actually grown to like her less over time.
anyway more on this later. like I said update thingy. though if you relate please let me know.