alrite that's it. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

i’m getting some vitamin d. tomorrow [well certainly not now as it’s dark out. well I know they do make lightboxes but I don’t have one, so]. well. not only cause i’ll be out walking and it’ll be............mostly cloudy. damnit. seriously I need the damn sun to come back. even if it rains I don’t care long as it’s sunny while. raining. that’s one of the reasons people move here [CO] is cause of all the sun we get. usually. one reason I don’t like overcast days is cause I have SAD. onl worsened by overcasr days. well and other. factors.
no but. this chocolate milk from safeway has protein [which as usual i’m not getting enough of. I was getting more from the oddwalla chai I was drinking but then I got tired of it, so] and vitamin d in it. at this point i’ll do anything to make my depression better. but I know I won’t really. but i’ll sure as hell try to drink. like. stuff that has vitamin d in it. that might actually help. i’m seeing someone about my depression. [and other things]. and I don’t believe in meds, so. I have a list back at my house [i’m at my mom’s atm] of what vitamins help what thing. like what vitamins help depression that kindof thing.
so as I mentioned I need more calcium. well turns out calcium’s water soluble so even if I got enough. it would erm. leave. me. yeah this water soluble vitamin thing.i’m not big on it. but certain vitamins stay in your system for a long time. well in your liver. it’s either a, k or c. or maybe not c. I knew........once. recently. and I didn’t completely get that until recently.
vitamin wise. ever since I started [partial] recovery a wk. and............3 days ago. i’m not getting all the ones I should be getting [well I don’t eat meat, so. but interestingly enough I have enough iron for right now] but i’m not like. not getting any either. my goals regarding recovery were tto eat 2, 3 things a day and to also. gain enough weight for me. for 2, 3 wks. it’s been so damn hard. and keeping track of it’s hard too. last wk. was frustrating bc of this. I know. the 2, 3 wk. thing won’t equate to all the time I didn’t consciouslydo that. no I get that. but maybe one day it will. that seems like a lot right now though. and I realized recently that just bc a person’s gained weight doesn’t mean they’re healthy. it might mean that. i never understoodthat before now. bulimics for instance.
so back to the depression thing. well. I. I cried today. over nothing. absolutely fukin nothing. but bc i’m so damn depressed. I walk for all of 5 mins. and i’m suddenly unmotivated after all that time. i’m motivated. to sleep and that’s it. so basically i’m motivated to do nothing. at this point it’s become an inconvenience the depression thing.