Everything is Scripted! in Everything Else

Nothing is real anymore. Reality television, scripted. The news, scripted. Sports, scripted. There is zero reality in the world.

I have long been convinced of the scriptedness of sports. I read this year’s Stanley Cup Final as New York Rangers versus Chicago Blackhawks, with the Rangers winning (because they haven’t won for 21 years and they need a new Cup lifting moment to be shown other than derpy Messier). It’s all about the hype and the $$$. A Rangers/Blackhawks final can be hyped as an Original Six matchup. The Hawks won’t win because they have two wins in the last five years. A New York win means $$$ in the bank! Plus a huge ass parade. Signed, Sealed, Delivered.

There is no way that the Rangers & Hawks pull out huge wins over Anaheim & Tampa Bay to force game sevens. No plausible explanation for any of that. These two games will be tight, with both teams squeaking out the win at nearly the last minute. The Final will go at least six games, most likely they will go seven just for the $$$ and to give NY the win at home. Lundquist will get the Conn Smyth & Vigneault will get the Jack Adams. All they have to do is press print now.

EDIT
ALERT: ALERT: ALERT:
The NHL went off script, I repeat, the NHL went off script. Tampa Bay advances to the Stanley Cup Finals. Riots may ensue. This is not a drill. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THE NHL HAS GONE OFF SCRIPT. Rogue agents have taken control. Chicago is at risk. I repeat, Chicago is at risk.

More information as it becomes available. We have reporters in the area, emergency personnel has been dispatched.

Last updated May 29, 2015