the christmas that simply was in poetry

I wonder if Santa just pretends that
someone’s trying to steal Christmas every year
as his people to people who want to be heroic.
Is this all Santa’s gentle con?
How long has it all gone on?

He knew there was no way
Herbie the Elf and Rudolph
were going to be accepted
without a grand act
so he played it out like that
because he’s just that sweet a guy.

Sonic The Hedgehog and Super Mario
and probably Spider-Man once or twice
employing the fake naughty
just to be nice
to those who want to feel
like they’re really doing
something with their lives.

It’s the gift that he keeps on giving
every Christmas he’s been living
he stages a false flag attack
on the North Pole so some good boy or girl
can go through the motions of winning it back.
It would explain all the specials
it would explain all the goddamned specials.

Opus from “Bloom County”
Fred Flintstone
ALF or a misunderstood elf
or maybe Dudley Moore
or Jesus Himself
every year some really special kid
gets to believe that she or he saved Christmas
and though I know that it’s none of my business
let me be the one to push through this year’s snow
I swear to God, Santa, I’ll make it a good show
I have experience with this kind of stuff
with just barely getting things right
with just barely being good enough
with just seconds to spare
hanging by a thread there.

I don’t need big presents
don’t need scolding or censure
I just need a break
maybe one big adventure
to prove to the world
they just give me a moderate amount of money
to tell stories the rest of my life
that’s my request, dear Santa
say hi to the wife.