There's a reason I'm single in Boredoms
- May 20, 2015, 12:04 a.m.
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- Public
It’s because I’m an idiot. It’s because I’m 30 and I act like a fucking child. I had another date with Roxy today after work and I fucking blew it. She had talked before about how much she liked Final Fantasy X but had never been able to play it all the way through so I thought she’d enjoy coming over to my place and playing it for a few hours or so. For a fucking second date that’s what I propose. God, I spent so much of my pathetically single life thinking there should be a more comfortable alternative to normal dating procedures and I never stopped to think there’s a reason why things are like that: because no girl wants to play fucking video games on a second date you dumb fuck! What the fuck is wrong with me? After an hour and a half she started feeling dizzy and needed me to take her home…I don’t believe she was faking at all but I do think her body knew she needed an escape and gave her just that. The worst part is I kept trying to cuddle with her while she was playing despite the fact it should have been obvious to me she didn’t feel like it. I mean, who fucking does that so early in? A dumbass man-child who doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. Now we’ve devolved to the point where she will only hang out at her place and if her roommate isn’t there and I get a feeling that won’t be often. If she gives me another shot I need to act like a fucking adult.
Deleted user ⋅ May 20, 2015
Noooo! I think you might just be way reading into things, because that sounds like a GOOD second date, and also, she's an adult too. She could have said that she wasn't into it if she really didn't feel like playing the game. It was just a suggestion on your part, you know? And even if she was playing the game just to humor you or "play it cool" or felt somehow obligated to do so, it's kinda sweet that she wanted to delve into a hobby of yours with you. You can take that as a sign that she's into you enough to wanna do that, because that's a really nice thing to do! It's a thing people do when they like another person. As for her dizzy spell, that just sucks. It's bad timing.
Anyways, I know how annoying it sounds when people say stuff like "try to see the positives here and don't be so down on yourself," and I don't wanna sound like that person AT ALL. But I just don't like seeing someone who has done nothing of the sort wrong, who is a really cool guy going down that dark and twisty path, you know? It might all be for nothing. Your anxiety might just be getting the best of you, and anxiety is the worst kind of bully. (hugs)
I suggest you just see if she wants to hang out again, and this time, see what she wants to do. I know how easy it can be to over-think everything here. It's what all smart kids do. (nods)
Sal Fakename Deleted user ⋅ May 20, 2015
I suggest you just see if she wants to hang out again, and this time, see what she wants to do.
This is a good plan and I support it. Give yourself some time to cool off first though.
ICanDoASumbersault Deleted user ⋅ May 20, 2015
The problem with seeing what she wants to do is that we're both "I don't know, whatever" people. And, as much as I don't want this to be the case, I'm the guy and we're expected to be the decisive ones. Failure to adhere to this gender role will result in decrease in attractiveness.
Deleted user ICanDoASumbersault ⋅ May 20, 2015
I just wish that guys didn't have to feel that way. It must be horrific pressure and kind of... like... a turn off to wanting to impress or make plans for ANYONE. I mean, I can kind of relate because... well... at some point in my day, I think I'm trying to impress someone, whether it's unconscious or not. Sometimes I'm just being less authentic than I want to be, and then sometimes I'm feeling rushed and hurried and like I have to take chances and make choices and it's all for the sake of "fitting in" and pleasing others, and more than often, that makes me settle into one of two feelings: apathy or extreme anxiety.
I say, fuck being the guy. Fuck being the girl, too. Let's just be people, man. Other people can take the reigns, or if we're feeling especially clever and cute, we can invent a colorful setting and knock the socks off of our people. I think it comes and goes. It can't be stressed nor expected.
ICanDoASumbersault Deleted user ⋅ May 20, 2015
I'd love for that to be the way of things one day but I doubt we'll live long enough to see a day where the playing field gets evened out. :-/
Sal Fakename ⋅ May 20, 2015
Look at the bigger picture though: you got to take one girl out, so you can take another one out. You just need to play it cool and read the situation better, next time.
ICanDoASumbersault Sal Fakename ⋅ May 20, 2015
I wish that were the case but, with me, it's exceptionally rare that I can convince anyone to go out with me. That's why I take any failure as a huge deal. If I blow this shot it may be another 8 years before I get another and I plan to be dead by 35.
Sal Fakename ICanDoASumbersault ⋅ May 20, 2015
This is usually a symptom of the way a guy lives his life, and not of the way women tend to feel about him. How often do you meet new people?
ICanDoASumbersault Sal Fakename ⋅ May 20, 2015
Not terribly often. I'm an internet dating site person because I don't have the physical preference to attract women in person so I have to try to get to know them a bit first.
Sal Fakename ICanDoASumbersault ⋅ May 21, 2015
You've got that backwards.
It is damn difficult to get a woman to go outside of her preferences on a dating site 'cause all she has to do is click, and then there's another message from another guy. It's a proven fact that they pretty much size you up by your looks, height, income, and race before anything else.
Click around OkCupid's blog if you don't believe me. Pay special attention to this one: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/we-experiment-on-human-beings/
Whereas conversational style is pretty important in real life. Studies have shown that just good posture and an appearance of confidence are enough to give a guy an increased success rate IRL, but I'd have to look and find the links.
So, yeah. You probably just need to meet new people for reasons other than dating more often than you do now.
ICanDoASumbersault Sal Fakename ⋅ May 21, 2015
I can't appear confident because I'm not. I have nothing to be confident in and just faking it makes me feel/look like a douche. Also, conversationally-speaking, I'm way too awkward and uncomfortable. One could make a very strong argument that guys like me just aren't supposed to date at all.
Sal Fakename ICanDoASumbersault ⋅ May 21, 2015
So figure out something that it would be good to be good at and get to it so you have something to be confident in. If it's something you can do in a variety of group settings, it would have the added bonus that you would be meeting lots of new people pretty frequently.
And it would have the added bonus that you wouldn't be a "guy like you" anymore. You'd be some other kind of guy.
ICanDoASumbersault Sal Fakename ⋅ May 21, 2015
I can't appear confident because I'm not. I have nothing to be confident in and just faking it makes me feel/look like a douche. Also, conversationally-speaking, I'm way too awkward and uncomfortable. One could make a very strong argument that guys like me just aren't supposed to date at all.
damienne ⋅ May 20, 2015
my third date with shaun was coming over to his shitty dorm room to watch his roommates drunkenly play ocarina of time WHICH IS A GAME I HATE. so like... i don't think it was dumb or weird or anything else of you to make that suggestion, and i think your first commenter has it right. she coulda said no or suddenly been busy if it was the plan itself that she didn't like, you know? she's an adult lady.
if there's anything that might bog you down it's your tendency to beat yourself up a bunch. i get it, i do, but you just gotta be nicer to yourself. i don't think this was a fuckup but even if it was? everyone fucks up, friend. it's ok.
ICanDoASumbersault damienne ⋅ May 20, 2015
The reason I'm freaking out so bad is because I'm positive this will be the very last chance I have at a relationship.
damienne ICanDoASumbersault ⋅ May 20, 2015
why is that?
ICanDoASumbersault damienne ⋅ May 20, 2015
Because the women willing to accept the way I am are too few. The odds are against me.
Waiting For Sunrise ⋅ May 20, 2015
I don't think this counts as a fuckup!
She had expressed genuine interest in the game, it's not like you dragged her round to watch you play FIFA for six hours while she stifled her yawns! And, ummm, if your body could know when you need an escape and helpfully provide one, PEOPLE WOULD NEVER DO DIFFICULT STUFF! :p
If she was feeling ill it's no surprise you didn't get a good vibe this time, and if two people like each other enough, one slightly-lame date WON'T change that in the long run (my third date with the man who is now my husband was watching him and his mates play pen-and-paper role-play, which I rapidly discovered was SO NOT my thing.... it didn't make me like him any less, though...)
Just don't let your own worry about this date put you off trying to fix up another one, she may have felt the less-than-awesome-ness of it too, and be paranoid that you don't like her any more..... good luck! :)
ICanDoASumbersault Waiting For Sunrise ⋅ May 20, 2015
The biggest reason I freaked out so hard about all this is that it's been 7 years since I last even really had a shot at a relationship. It's taken so long to get this one chance I'm terrified of blowing it and I don't know what it is about me that puts people off so hard so I don't know what to fix so I can be more appealing. I might just have a lack of visual appeal or some lame personality defect I'm not aware of. Guh!