Thursday Morning in New Diary

I am awake I had some weird dreams. One dream was a western. I was dreaming about this man who had a bad reputati9on as a mean outlaw. He shot two people One was another outlaw in a gun battle and another was in self defense. He wasn’t that bad of a guy but he had a reputation as a killer. Then was dreaming where I bought this rifle. I was carrying this rifle around everywhere. I was in my parents back yard with it. One guy who they were feuding with jumped over our fence. In this dream I had my rifle and I pointed it at him. His name was Curly. He was bothering our dog. I said Curly, get back on y9ur own property He wouldn’t move. My rifle had a bayonet attached to it. I stabbed him I cut a very long scar across his belly. This was when I woke up. I have some weird and vivid dreams.

I am up and today is a new day. I am not going to obsess about NOOKs and books. I am not going to worry about budgets for next month. I am not going to stress myself out and get upset over nothing. Life is too short. I am going to have a good day

9:28 am. Just sitting here not knowing what to do with myself. Mornings are my time to read. I wake up and after taking my meds I start hitting the books. Before my old computer went bad I was reading a good book by David Halberstam. I was just finishing up a book of his called The Fifties It was starting on a chapter about the troubles in Little Rock Arkansas. when they were integrating the public schools there . I kind of miss reading that book but hopefully I will have access to it once I get my NOOK and get it registered. That will be sometime next week.

I can’t help myself. I am worrying again. I keep thinking that I will not be able to access my books after I get the NOOK set up. I keep thinking I will screw things up or something will go terrible wrong. Trying to do some things around the apartment to keep my mind off this crap. It is no use. This is bugging the shit out of me. I got my mind focused on one damn thing and that is those stupid fucking books. It is driving me crazy.

It is all very simple and I can avoid a lot of this senseless drama. I will either get a NOOK or I will not. I will be able to get is registered to my B&N account or I will end up having to start a new account. I will either have access to the books or I will not.
I am blowing everything out of proportion. I am making myself very sick and miserable all for nothing

11:19am. Fiancé came up. She brought some strawberry muffins. They were good. We had a nice visit. She talked about her trip to the new Dollar General Store. She said it was bigger than the old one up town. We ate muffins. I told her I wasn’t doing very good. I was obsessing. Thought of losing all those books is making me sick to my stomach. I quickly changed the subject. I asked her how the social service van driver was. She said Connie was fine. We talked about different recipes. She bought a few items from the store such as butter and aluminum foil. She didn’t stay very long.

Depression got a hold of me. I suffer from depression and it hit me hard today. I guess the anxiety and everything else brought it on. I felt so tired and listless this morning. Just wanted to lie on my couch and watch tv. I tried t to start the day on a positive note. That didn’t last very long. I feel like shit.

Day is almost half over. Going down to my fiancé’s apartment at noon. I want to be there when Comcast comes. I hope they do come today. I hope she can get her problems resolved today. I hope they are not going to charge her for a second service call.

Last updated May 29, 2015