Wednesday Night in New Diary

This was a shitty day. I woke up feeling like shit. I was worried about finances for next month. I am making myself sick. Anxiety was through the roof. Then my fiancé was having problems with Comcast. We waited all damned day for them to come and hook her up to the Internet. The guy came and she is still isn’t hooked up. We called Comcast and finally they agreed to send someone out tomorrow. He is supposed to be at her place at 12:30pm. I hope tomorrow is more successful.

I got to get a handle on this worrying. I will end up making myself sick and get in the hospital. Got to put the NOOK out of my mind. Things will work out I got to remind myself things will work out. I have been through rough times before and gotten through. I can get through June Try to keep things positive Remember, no matter how bad things may seem life is still pretty good.

I keep going over my budget for June. There are a few things I can count on. One is I have money for my rent. Two is I have money to pay my Comcast bill which will be considerably lower next month. Three is I have money for meds. Fiancé is going to contribute to the food budget. I can put it about $78, We should have about $200 for food during next month and that should be enough to get it through. Then there is always the Bread Basket which I will be signing for. We will not be starving.

There is no need to worry I say to myself. But I ignore these thoughts. Worrying has taken hold of me. Worrying is leading to anxiety and anxiety is going through the roof. It feel like I’m losing control. Got to get a handle on shit or I will go completely crazy. All of this because I can’t access books that I paid for.
s
I must be going through withdrawal symptoms. I am addicted to books and I haven’t had my daily fix in a couple of days. . Books are a big part of my life. I get lost in a good book and am not thinking or dwelling on bad things. Now I am afraid those thoughts will be rearing their ugly head. I will be backsliding and I made a solemn vow never to do that or think about that again

I remember one thing I learned through therapy. Everything that happens happens because we make a choice. We cannot help but make choices. So tomorrow I am going to choose not to obsess over the NOOK or my budget. I/n going to spend time doing positive things. I’m going to clean my apartment, help my fiancé with her computer, spend time with her. I do not want to waste time thinking about books, budgets or NOOKs I choose to have a happy and productive day tomorrow.