15-05.28.103 in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

Soy Desalentado

So I may be a bit melodramatic… I come by it honestly. Not only are there no further interviews (as previously lamented) there are no further job openings… I’ve been watching intently. And, since Law is who you know not what you know… I’ve exhausted that avenue as well. Granted, it was short… more like a cobblestone walkway than an avenue, but still. Tragically, it has gotten to the point where if I’m in something other than pajamas for more than 6 hours… my body gets confused, lol. And I feel bad griping because… some of my lawyer friends who have passed the bar previously have stories just like this or worse… one friend searched for 4 months before even getting an interview; one friend has been looking since November with no luck, one friend passed the bar two years ago and is still trying to find a Lawyer job. Yes… the market for lawyers is piss poor. And we can absolutely blame the economy. Wanna know why?

Lawyers are the gatekeepers and the keyholders. In the United States, the law and the judiciary act as mutual partners in a primary pillar for Citizens to interact with the Government. Whether that is through lawsuits, criminal proceedings, wills, estates.... the law is there. You want to buy a house? The contract has been, should be, or will be going through the hands of at least one attorney. You think you’re going to die this century? You should probably get a lawyer to help with your will due to the fuckery that can happen after you die. Trust me on this, I know of what I speak. My grandfather dated the sister of the Des Moines Mayor and those two kids fought like rabid dogs for 20 years over their father’s estate. If you plan on adopting… lawyer. If you plan on having a medical procedure, and your doctor makes an error… lawyer. If you live in a city where cops are killing indiscriminately… lawyer. If you own a business… lawyer.

I know that sounds ridiculous, but take it from someone who spent three years looking at the worst possible outcomes of misplaced justice, mishandled cases, and pro se litigation. In this country, Lawyers hold all of the cards for proper Citizen Government non-voting interactions. So why do people need less lawyers? MONEY. It is the fault of the industry, really. We are supposed to be the GateKeepers and KeyHolders and the only people we are supposed to keep away from the process are those with frivolous claims. Unfortunately, greed entered and set up shop. Now too many lawyers don’t turn people away for frivolity; people are turned away for poverty. When the economy is so low that the average citizen doesn’t have “extra”; it is fair to say that economic principles have acted directly to prevent the average citizen from engaging in the processes of Government. And we’re seeing that all over the place. Look at the candidates for president… kow-towing to money instead of principles; devoting themselves to party instead of solution. Even look at Hillary who many news stations are trying to label as “The Candidate for the Middle Class.” Before she even started campaigning, she accepted 6 figure checks from some of the wealthiest concerns on Wal-Street. In short, I see my inability to find a job as a direct result of income-injustice. Force the people into poverty so that they don’t have the funds to hold the government accountable AND so that they can’t sue any companies that are screwing them… then the votes don’t even matter because Big Government and Big Business will never be held accountable!

Clearly, this is all getting to me a bit. I mean… it comes from my family, my nature, my heritage, my faith. Look at the book of Genesis. Even if we accept that the story of creation is merely an anecdote and not historical truth, it is still important to note that WHILE THE GARDEN WAS STILL PARADISE there was work. In other words, a faithful Christian or Jew should always see work as something of necessity and importance. Work was present while we were yet protected from hardships. What changed with the fall, textually, is that work went from joyful to burdensome… which is no small point, but we should still understand that work exists even in paradise.

And without work as a monetary gain (making money), I would normally at least have a project or something major occupying my time. Bar study? Finished, thank god! School? Finished. Losing weight… working on it. Trying to eat better, going through cookbooks and all that. Can’t workout as much as I’d like because the facility is under heavy construction. Working on my marriage? Wife still persists that the best and only thing I can do in that category right now is to get a job in Iowa. Other projects? Well… the game I was building is aborted as I haven’t many friends locally to assist or play. Any books or stories I would work on are depressing as I know they’ll never go anywhere other than my hard drive or this website. So then… Video Games. All of which I’ve beaten. Repeatedly. And I won’t buy anymore because I’m going to consider money to be one of The Great Resources to be tightly controlled and conserved until I have a job.

This all reminds me of when I was first getting diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. The leg pain was so excruciatingly debilitating that I could barely leave my room. I hadn’t any new video games and I couldn’t focus long enough to finish a book. I couldn’t go to class and they would not allow any internet options to me for course completion. So, I languished in my bedroom getting more depressed. Finally, I began to re-arrange the room every week just to keep my mind occupied and away from the crippling depression. And Aoife would visit. I would beg her forgiveness that the apartment was not as clean as befitted her, she would shush me with a kiss and tell me she came to visit in part to help me clean. If my body would not cooperate with my desires, she would help. I think maybe that is why I’ve been dreaming of her so much more lately. My mind is again thinking that, in a new way, it is languishing in a no-work, no-project place… and is wondering if she will arrive to assist again. Well, I’m sorry my old friend made of grey matter… she will not.