Today was hard in Torridaussity Two

First mother’s day without a grandma and without Helen surrogate grandma to celebrate with. SO grateful I have my mom still, but it was hard being reminded of their loss this past year.

Also hard seeing all my friends with their kids and wondering if I will ever have that.

Also hard because he says all the right things calling me his beautiful Maria, but knowing he says all the right things and does all the wrong things.

Hard because I try to meet someone who will want all of me and love me the right way and when I think maybe I met someone, he turns out to be just like everyone else.

Disturbed because the guy I once mentioned before that compliments me and said he was in love with my laugh and smile, but is engaged has asked, “is it wrong that I want to see your ass in a pair of jeans, it is wrong that I think you are sexy?”…if you have to ask is it wrong it probably is…if I was single I would be with you (this was to make me feel better about being single). I don’t need to know what would happen if x y and z happen. It doesn’t make my feelings better to know if you were single you would want me, it just reminds me of things I don’t have and if I were single sir I wouldn’t want you, because all the while I would be thinking who is he talking too, that he says things to like he says to me.

Hard because I go on my pinterest account and see wedding dresses someone has pinned and cried because I feel like I will never get to wear one.

Hard because I am feeling lost.

I do want to wish all of my friends on here who are moms a very happy mother’s day.

Last updated May 10, 2015