15-05.27.102 in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

About last night…

Wife had the day off yesterday and I worked most of the day. We ended the day fine (I thought) but as we got in bed; she started crying. The thought of returning to work the next day was upsetting her that much. So we talked. And it is the same as always in a lot of ways. She feels overwhelmed with the myriad of options of what she might be able to do and she gets so freaked out. So we were talking… she gets overwhelmed thinking about what she wants to do, then overwhelmed thinking about what she could do, then overwhelmed thinking about what she would be able to make as a career. And so she just breaks down. I tried really hard to be supportive and helpful and encouraging… and she told me how disappointed she was that I didn’t push her the way I used to and that I didn’t follow through with her the way I once did. I tried to sensitively explain… but late at night, her crying, and everything I had been feeling yesterday… I probably wasn’t as sensitive as I should have been. But I tried to explain to her that I stopped pushing her so much because I didn’t want to constantly get into arguments. Plus… as much as I want to be a good husband and support and care and encourage… I have my own shit and my own emotional troubles to deal with as they relate to work. Which circles around to her trying to off-set it by claiming that at least I’m closer to knowing what I want to do.

I don’t even know if this was an argument or a mutual wrap session or what. Because… it didn’t help her to stop crying… and I think she realized that I do need some kind of emotional support, but it seems more like that made her more sad since she realized that she hasn’t been providing any..... I don’t know. It just seemed important as it was happening but knowing her/our cycles… it probably didn’t matter at all in the long run.